Andie, Have you heard about this one?

I was recently watching Pretty In Pink and was refreshed in mind with my original idea that out of all the romantic heroes happening for Andie, Steph is the one I was rooting for her to go with. Rich asshole or not, he was the hottest guy in the whole movie. He only called her a bitch in the scene by the car because she was being a bitch. She should have been taking him right there on the car. After years of pondering this film, I still to this day don't understand why she wouldn't. Blane was a rabbit-faced asshole. How do you not want to run your fingers through Steph's hair as he says dirty, sexy, rich asshole-ish things into your ear with that VOICE. HELLo! I love this movie but there could have been a better version that would have been GREAT to see.

There's a girl? On my slab? Yes!

I think this might have been a straight to DVD release despite the impressive cast of Liam Neeson, Justin Long, and Christina Ricci. And despite all the acting talent and the fact that it was pretty well made it all just fell apart due to lack of direction and poor writing.

Ricci's character was really poorly designed. She never really had any clear personality or direction, and she was kind of an idiot. She couldn't figure out how to open a main door in the school where she has presumably worked for years. She acts erratic and distant from Justin Long but never really gives any indication why or what motivates her.


And then she dies. And the movie skips straight to her in the morgue of the funeral parlor talking to Liam, but (probably) dead. Actually, that is the big central conflict of the film, because we are never told if she is actually dead or if she is alive but trapped in the morgue with a crazy undertaker. The movie conveniently skips anything that might help us (the car crash, the paramedics, the ambulance ride to the hospital, and how does she get to Liam's place?) So all this confusion and tension is complete bullshit that the movie manufactures by not telling us basic stuff. Ricci is no help because even though she is the one who is the most affected by the living or dead question, we never find out if she feels pain, if she can cut herself with one of those sharp instruments and bleed her own blood, or any other relevant clues to her status (oh, but if her breath fogs a mirror at the end of the movie, that is supposed to tell her something) (Or is it, since it doesn't seem like it really told her anything useful?) (Oh what the fuck was the point of any of it?)

So, yeah, muddled mess of a film that does manage to stir up some scenes of tension and drama but they are only derived from cheap manipulation because the writers never let you know what rules they are playing by. This is not like The Sixth Sense or The Others where there is a legitimate twist/mystery it is just a bunch of bullshit trying to confuse you. And let you look at Ricci boobs, because she is a dead corpse and therefor she is either in a red slip or naked for most of the move. And that's pretty much it. Justin Long is funny just by being Justin Long but he has nothing to work with in this role. Liam is too flaky and weird to be bad-ass or sexy or any of the other cool things Liam can be. This is one of those movies that you don't hate while you are watching it so much but after it is over you hate it more the more you think about it.

Hey kids, you wouldn't happen to have a cup of warm water, would ya?

Since we are in the dead of winter and have gotten over three feet of snow in the past couple weeks we decided to watch Frozen. (Well, I kind of made Elisa watch Frozen.) Plus it was on Instant Watch, so there was nothing to lose.

The first half hour is just three friends (Parker, Dan, and Lynch) on a ski trip. Frustrated after late start and a day spent being slowed down by Dan's girlfriend they convince the ski lift operator to let them do one final run as the park is closing down. When he gets called away and leaves someone else to shut down the lift there is a little miscommunication about who is still out there and the ski left ends up getting shut off with our gang still dangling 30 feet in the air.

So it's a pretty basic set up, actually. The idea probably crosses most people's mind during that long, slow ascent up the mountain on ski trips. Well, Adam Green actually made a movie about it. And the movie works because the terror and suspense feels very realistic. What the heck are you supposed to do if you are stuck on a chairlift in the freezing cold after they shut the lights off?

Well, after a couple hours Dan decides to jump. ("You thinking what I'm thinking? Aim for the bushes!") It does not go well. His legs are badly broken, he can't move, and now he is going to possibly bleed to death before he can freeze to death. ("I’m in an extraordinarily large amount of pain. The bone has gone through the skin. I fear it might be gangrenous. The wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds... which is not good. Please? No one? Sorry. I’ll try the other leg. Ahhhhhh!")

So now their situation has gotten much, much worse. Adam actually takes it surprisingly well even though he is fucked beyond belief and probably going to die. Before he has the chance to freeze or bleed out, some hungry wolves come by and rip him to pieces. The end.

But that still leaves Parker and Lynch up in the chair. They wait a day, hoping that someone will come by to tend the grounds even though the part won't re-open until the weekend. Eventually, Lynch decides he will try to climb across the cable and down the tower. He actually makes it down safe but the wolves give chase and help never comes for Parker. The next day when the chair conveniently falls half-way down she is able to make an easier jump and hobble down the mountains. The wolves decide they would rather have leftover Lynch and don't bother to eat her. She staggers out to the highway and gets rescued by a passing car.

OK, so it was a good and effective horror film that maintained a lot of suspense. It definately freaked me out and left us shook up and in need of an Office episode before we could go to sleep, so I guess that is good praise for a horror movie.

The real question going into this was "Can they get 90 interesting minutes out of this material?" The premise is good, but it sounds like a short story idea. Stuck, panic, freeze, take futile action, get hurt and make things worse, slow death, the end. How many boring, character developing conversations were going to get thrown in? Well, there were some moments that dragged but for the most part it was well-paced. I thought they kind of ignored issues of dehydration and starvation (I don't recall anyone having to eat snow to stay hydrated, even though three days passed). And when Parker wet her pants I thought there would be more sever consequences from the freezing cold but the scene was mostly played for shame and emberassment.

Finally, the wolves were too random and evil. I think the movie would have been better if the dumb ass kids die or escape based on their own actions, but having wolf assassins come by and wipe out anyone who makes it to the ground was a little deux ex machina.

(fanning face)...I got my own self hot tellin' that story.

Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN

This movie blew me away with an awesome wave of greatness. I love, love, loved this film.
I don't know where to start with praising this movie. What a breath of fresh, Mexican beach air. I want to poke myself in the eye for not seeing this one sooner. It was just so good.

I guess you could say this was a coming of age film. One of the best ones I've seen since like, I dunno, Reality Bites. The movie starts out with Two boys in two different scenes. In both scenes they are having good-bye sex with their girlfriends who are about to leave on a trip together to Italy. Both boys making their girlfriends promise not to sleep with other guys when they are away. Julio (Gael Garcia Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna) are then left to make their own holiday plans. At a wedding, they encounter Luisa- the spanish wife of Tenoch's cousin Alejandro. Alejandro was a bit of a dickweed while Luisa stirred their sexual curiosity. They talk to her at the wedding. She mentions she wants to see the beaches. Hoping to impress her, they invent a beautiful,mystical, secret beach called "Heaven's Mouth" on the Oaxaca coast and that they could take her there. At first she politely declines but then after her husband, Alejandro confessed his infidelity to her, she changes her mind and calls the boys to see if their invitation was still open to her as she would like to go with them. This is now a problem for the boys because they do not know a place like they described to her so they desperately call a friend to help them, who maps out hazy directions for them.

During the rest of the movie, the three of them set on for a road trip to try to find this beach. There is a sexual energy throughout this film that can be drawn from anywhere. The capricious youth of the two boys and their close, brotherly connection, the vulnerability of Luisa, the warm sandy Mexican summer illustrated so well you can almost feel it here in my cold, midwestern apartment. It felt like everything in this film had a certain indescribable sensual vibe that was so strong in some scenes, you couldn't help but think of the word 'Threesome' before the characters did. A part of you is just waiting for it to happen. Or I don't know, maybe its just me because soy pervertido and she is on vacation with two beautiful, lively, libidinous young mexicanos. What else is supposed to cross your mind?

I won't spoil the rest of the movie with what happens but I will say what did happen was done beautifully. Flawlessly acted, all natural, beautiful scene after beautiful scene. After the movie was over, I was like "Welp...grab your keys, we're going to Mexico!"

I'm in love - I'm all shook up

THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY

This movie deserves an Oscar. After winning the Palme d'Or, this movie has circulated quite a lot of buzz around the world. I was already excited and in line to see this movie when I heard of Cillian Murphy was playing the role of Damien in this film but then everyone started raving about it in reviews and giving it lots of praise. There was a few snarly claims that this film is "Anti-British" but it seems like it soon died down after Ken Loach and Cillian blew them away in press conference Q&As with their brilliant sense. The more I read about this film, the more I desperately wanted to see it. Unfortunately, I do not live in LA or NY so because of this film's limited release, we Midwest folks were pretty fucked on this one. Or were we? On my quest to see this movie, I have discovered the awesome presence of God as well. Just as I was in a state of panic and despair that I might never see this movie before it gets released on DVD, God showed me the way. He said "Elisa, despite its limited release, you shall see this movie now. " And then, there was IFC In Theatres ON-DEMAND on my comcast cable box. A brand new thing, started in March, that shows limited released arty, independent films that deserve to be viewed by everyone. They have it available on demand for 6 bucks on this IFC joint as a way to gauge how much interest it gets from the rest of the country at the same time it is playing in limited theatres. If there is enough people like me with cable and a burning desire to see this movie, it just may get a wide release.

So, I did my part and paid the 6 bucks for the On-Demand viewing from the comfort of my couch. I was so happy to finally see this fantastical production, I called my whole family over and we made a big dinner, baked cookies and watched the movie party-style.

Let me say, it was everything that I expected it would be but BETTER. I loved this film. Love...is not a big enough word for how impressed I am by this film. I have to say I Lurve this film. I Loaved it. I Luffed it. Two Fs. I don't even know what to say. It was so powerful and brilliant, I was totally blown away. I felt like the barley and this movie was the wind and it shook me all night long with its brilliance and impact. It was probably the greatest and most brilliant Cillian Murphy performance I've ever seen. I had to strain to hold back tears at the end so I didn't cry in front of my family like I was Sundance Head on American Idol (whenever someone got voted off before him). I really hope this film get a wider release (if it does, I'm there with another 6 bucks and that time, I'll weep jumbo Sundance tears and watch other people try not to cry at the saddest Cillian scene in the world) and I really really hope this movie gets Oscar attention next year. If it doesn't, I'm going to have to hate the Oscars and send them a letter saying that they suck and don't know shit about movies.

Nothin's OVer, just gimme somethin' to drink.

ROCKY BALBOA

All around, this movie wasn't terrible. I think it did an alright job at redeeming itself after the crapfest that was 'Rocky V' which was a total "piece 'a gawbage", as Paulie would say.
It was a bit sad at parts as he was still very much mourning the death of Adrian. His loneliness was palpable. He still had that Rocky personality, sense of humor and fightin' spirit. It came off like Stallon really believed in this movie and like Rocky, was ready to give this hero another go. You didn't get any of that ho-hum, tired, going throught the motions for the sake of milking the Rocky franchise to the last drop because they are out of ideas and Stallone could use the money and the work type vibe coming from it. It had a lot of sincere, nostalgic, and even affectionate energy going on. Much like Clerks 2 did only more old-man soul.

You see Rocky settled in his life as a father, restaurant owner and friend/legend to the community. He named his restaurant "Adrien's" after his wife. He seemed happy but then starts getting a bit restless while buzz from a similated fight (Rocky vs. Mason Dixon) is floating around ESPN. He gets to thinking, of course, and decides we wants to fight again on a small level. His son is thinking he should give it a rest, Rocky gives a heartfelt lecture, there's a montage ...you get the picture.

This movie felt like a gift to all the Rocky fans with a little card attached that says "Sorry for Rocky V. Let us make it up to you with this enclosed Rocky Balboa, courtesy of Mr. Stallone. Enjoy :) " Thats all I can really say about it, I think.

I told you not to go there! I TOLD you not to go there!

TURISTAS

And now, a gringo tourist with an open letter to the guy that stole his kidneys.

Well, why did you do it? Are you some sort of jerk or something? They're *my* kidneys! What did you think I'd drive home and not notice it was stolen? What are you then? Some sort of *prick* ? Some sort of idiot? Some sort of thief? What would you do with just my kidneys anyway? You human loser! Well, why didn't you just use your own kidneys if you wanted some so badly? That's what I did. Well, don't you think I need those kidneys? Well, well, what were you thinking? JERK!

And now, a gringo tourist with an open letter to the people who watched while the guy stole his kidneys.

Well, you knew they weren't his kidneys! Well, why didn't you do something? Why didn't you say something? You human piece of apathy! Why didn't you say "Hey, those aren't your kidneys! Those could be a gringo tourist's kidneys!" Just eatin' brunch. Well, didn't you think I needed them? I did! Well, look at me. Fiest your eyes on that act of violence! Good work, Einstein. Pus!





This movie was better than I thought it was going to be. (That puts it at notch 1 ) I came into it expecting a cheap rip-off of Hostel but it really wasn't. I would say if you liked Hostel, you might like this movie too but I would not say it is an actual rip-off. No sir.

The acting was decent. The premise was decent. I found this film to be quite scary in my opinion. Along with Hostel, it did for foreign tourism what Jaws did for beach swimming. One of the first things I said after watching this was "Well, I'm not going to Brazil." Seriously, if I ever do go to Brazil on holiday, I would have to forget about this movie first. I do have to add that although the characters were believable, they were also slightly stupid or knuckle-headed, as my dad would say. Call me square but I think I would have waited around for the next bus instead of going to that bar and getting wasted, So I might have avoided this horrible organ-thief problem. Also, even if I did get wasted and followed the Kiko guy, I wouldn't have hesitated to turn back when Kiko decided to grow a conscience and change his mind and say "Y'know what, I know I lead you all the way here but lets go back, yes?" Obviously something was wrong here and I would have picked up on that warning and went back. I'm surprised Josh Duhamel wasn't a little more 'wtf' about that. I mean, doesn't seem a bit odd that you have been following this Kiko guy for like 10 hours (or was it 10 miles?) in middle of nowhere wooded mountains to find an alleged middle of nowhere house for help, everyone is all hot, dehydrated, sweaty, hungry, ready to pass out and you get there and Kiko is like "Y'know what, houses are over-rated. Do we really need to go to this house? Lets not. Lets turn back." ? That seems weird that he would say that. Why else would he say that if not to warn them because he feels guilty cause of how friendly they all were to him and he knows they are all going to get their kidneys stolen? Think about it. Josh should have thought about that more.

Overall, it was a very entertaining movie. Good to see once. On DVD.