I'll have the Casino Royale with cheese, a small fry and chocolate milk- shaken not stirred.

CASINO ROYALE


There was a lot of buzz about whether or not Daniel Craig would make a good Bond or not. I actually thought he made a pretty good wee Bond man. He was cool, sexy and looked good in a tux. The movie overall was alright. I guess the best thing to compare it to would be pancakes. You are all excited about 'em in the beginning but towards the end, you're fucking sick of 'em. This movie did seem a bit too long. After you see a few action-packed chase scenes, some slow poker games, some mediocre love scenes, and Daniel Craig being wet a few dozen times, you are just like okay, come on already.

And I have to talk about this some more because it was one of the only things in this film that I got a kick out of... I am convinced that there was only one point this movie wanted to make and that is ...Daniel Craig looks damn good wet. Point taken. It seemed like Daniel Craig had more wet scenes in this movie than Ashton Kutcher in the Guardian. I'm not complaining cause I totally get their point that Daniel Craig is very sexy when wet but it was funny to see how many ways they could find to soak him in this movie. Even in a tux where you think "wow, this guy cleans up nice when he's dry." , he just happens to come back to the room where the British chick is sitting and moping under a running shower and for no reason, he sits down with her under the running water, still in his tux and gets soaked for no reason. There really was no point to that scene that I can think of, other than to see Bond wet again at least one more time. Ok, movie, you do that. I'm not getting sick of it but is it really necessary? Did they throw that in there for the ladies who were getting dragged to another Bond movie by their boyfriends? Cool. Ok.

Moving on, there were also some things I could have done without in this movie. Like the longness and the repetition and Eva Green. She was crap. Boring, ugly, NO CHEMISTRY with Craig whatsoever(which bugged me the most), horrible acting, and had nothing to offer the role. I think she actually brought the role down a few notches and really got on my nerves towards the end. I mena, how hard is it to have chemistry with Daniel Craig? -He's adorable. She could have been replaced by a fembot and you wouldn't notice because she was so blank, I could puke. She had about as much flavor as a boiled poptart. To hell with that. I fell asleep towards the end. Did she die in the end? If she did, good. I'm glad. She was awful. I never want to see her again. She will NEVER be half the star Cillian is and we all know who the real rising star this year is and why he didn't win. We're aware of the whole conspiracy and its okay. Winning the rising star award is probably a career curse anyway. Like a sitcom. James McAvoy won it last year and he's not doing shit now. Nobody is talking about him. Just like nobody will talk about Eva Green unless the word "sucks" or "who?" is by her name. Cillian was robbed.

ANYway, she sucked in this movie and almost ruined it for me but they managed to make it up to me in Daniel Craig wet scenes so this movie was still okay. However, the evil villain had next to no personality either. I wouldn't even be able to separate him from the extras if it wasn't for that lame-ass scar on his eyeball (oh, okay, he's the bad guy that bleeds from his eye occasionally) and a forgettable accent. He's semi-evil. He's quasi-evil. He's the margarine of evil. He's the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie- not evil enough. How boring. I had no doubt in my mind that Daniel Craig could take this guy. Piece o' cake. Sure, he's short but he can kick some ass - which pretty much sums up why Daniel Craig played a good Bond in this movie.

Don't nobody undersand the words that are commin' out of your mouth!

Babel

Babel. Best Picture nominee, staring Brad Pit but featuring several loosely intertwined stories dealing with communication and its discontents. Directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, who made Amores Perros and 21 Grams. A tragic accidental shooting of a woman on vacation in the middle east by two boys using their fathers new rifle, a nanny who is forced to bring the children she watches to her Son's wedding in Mexico and the nightmare that ensues trying to get them back, and a lonely deaf Japanese teen girl who longs for a physical relationship and feels like an outcast.

There was a lot to absorb in this movie. I think we could get even more out of watching it a second time, but it is not really a re-watchable movie. It was dark, but hopeful at times. It had strong themes of communication and miscommunication, understanding and misunderstanding, desperation and loss of innocence. It also dealt with family, love, selfishness, mistakes, and loneliness. It was a well made film and I think we both enjoyed it.

Death and taxes? What an odd pairing.

Stranger than Fiction

I've been looking forward to this movie for a while. It has the potential and ambition to be another Eternal Sunshine or Adaptation, but it could also be a horrible art house dud or frustrated comedian vanity project. Most likely it will fall somewhere in between, and probably closer to failure then success.

Well, I am happy to report that it was pretty good. Will Farrell's performance was not over-acted and he never took you out of the moment (which is the biggest risk in casting a scene-stealing big name star comedian to your quirky dramedy.) He was... subtle. Careful and reflective. The people around him got to do most of the acting (Maggie and Dusty were much bigger personalities) and his character was mostly conveyed by the voice over narration and the special effect inserts that were meant to convey his neurosis and OCD. I think movies need to be praised sometimes for the missteps they avoided, for resisting the urge to fall into cliche or milk tired stereotypes, and this movie avoided several. I'm happy to say Will Farrell did not ruin this movie at all.

That is not to say that it was without flaws. The crazy plot started to unravel a bit in the end when, even after everyone figured out (but never explained) the god-like power that the author had over this guys life, they still insisted that it was better off to continue along and let him die because it was such a good story (?!?) Yeah. The take notice of your life and do the things you always wanted to themes were presented quit nicely but this movie completely chickened out at addressing any of the free will v.s. destiny issues it raised with the crazy premise. The result is a weaker story and an ending that feels tacked on. It may have just as easily worked as a mid-life crisis and a boy-meets-girl generic romantic comedy since they never really did anything with the character in a work of fiction plot other then jolt him out of his comfort zone and threaten to kill him. Seems like they could have achieved that by borrowing the plot of a different Queen Litafah movie and having a doctor tell him he had 3 weeks to live. It didn't aspire to anything more then quirky romantic comedy.


In the end I have to say I enjoyed it. It worked as a quirky romantic comedy (where the characters fall in love just because they are supposed to, and not due to chemistry or anything really besides proximity and a few nice gestures). Maggie Gyllenhaal was good, Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thomspson are ok, the movie had a good pace and a few twists and turns. It didn't live up to its potential, but it didn't crash and burn either.

Somebody shit on the burgers. Someone has shit on or around the Burgers.

FAST FOOD NATION

Riiight, so this is the movie adaptation of the muckraking McDonald's expose by the same name. The biggest challenge here is taking the book and making it into a story that you can actually watch, because a faithful translation of the book would be something more like An Inconvenient Truth or March of the Penguins.

Well, Linklater uses a stories involving a marketing Exec investigating the cleanliness of the meat, a teen girl working the counter and hanging with some hippy-activist college kids, and illegal immigrants working in the meat plant to illuminate different aspects of the Fast Food industry while adding a little narrative structure to the information presented in the book. The gimmick is a little odd because the characters have no relationship to each other and the whole thing feels a little forced, but that's because it is. Linklater does succeed in giving us realistic characters (so much so that we occasionally loose sight of the fast food issues and think we are watching a movie about immigrant workers or a teenage coming of age movie) and he resists the urge to get too Upton Sinclair on us. The characters were honestly portrayed and the movie never went off the deep-end, which is pretty much all you can ask. It did the best it could do with the source material it had.

I stand by the point that nothing in this movie was unrealistic or even exaggerated, and it isn't the end of the world. 99% of the people who watch it will continue to be occasional fast food eaters, myself included. We all go back to business as usual like Greg Kinnear, and like Bruce Willis tells us, we all have to eat a little shit sometimes to get a good, convenient product out and meet our profit margins.

Poppa tomatoe smashes baby tomatoe and says "Ketchup."

OK, I am finally back from my extended absence and ready to catch you up on some movie goodness. it's not that I haven't been watching movies lately, I have, it's just that I haven't been updating my journal. Time to remedy that. Here are some highlights from the last month or so of movie viewing:


Miami Vice: Elisa already reviewed it, but I am going to have to disagree with her. Michael Mann should not be criticized for failing to play up his marquee stars and the cheesy 80s TV source material - to the contrary this movie is a success precisely because it does not cater to campy pop-culture and Ironic Hollywood casting.

Let's face it- there are a million movies out there that have super-action-hero celebrities jumping off of exploding speedboats and dodging Uzi fire, delivering cheesy one-liners and defeating the Russian terrorist drug dealers single-handed. Some of them are good, some are not so good- but this is not one of those movies at all. Michal Mann was involved in the original Miami Vice television show back in the day. He has a history with the characters and the subject matter that allows him to jump in and re-visit them, only this time with a seriousness, a budget, a special-effects team, an R-rating, and a depth that 80s TV would not afford him. It is a very cool concept and the reverse of what we have become used to. They took a familiar concept and instead of making a joke out of it and building the plot around in-jokes or parody (see: Starskey & Hutch, Dukes of Hazzard, etc.) they take the ideas seriously and build a complex, adult story around it. It's nice to see how it stands up with a sincere treatment, much more satisfying then the other remakes (though anything with Vaughn and/or Stiller is going to be enjoyable for different reasons.

Marie Antoinette: This movie was OK. We owed it to Sofia to see what she could do here. It was an interesting interpretation of the historical figure infused with her own personal experience and modern teen girl celebrity pop culture undertones. I think the movie suffered somewhat because it lacked the strong lead acting talent that Lost in Translation had. Sofia seems to love setting the scenes up and then stepping back and letting us look at them. I noticed the same thing from Jared Hess in Nacho Libre. There seemed to be some storytelling missing and a little too much of a director in love with their own set design. It is still a movie, guys, we do need something to happen here.
There's nothing else to say because Elisa has already written the definitive essey response to watching Marie Antoinette, and I love her for it.


Transamerica: Where Breakfast on Pluto was a little unsettling and depressing but infused by a Neil Jordan / Cillian Murphy quirky sort of heart, this movie was just unsettling and depressing. Instead of a fun, outgoing, flamboyant transvestite we get a weird, antisocial and kinda creepy pre-op transsexual. I suppose it was a good performance by Felicity Huffman but it's hard to tell with the crazy voice and the weak story (uh-oh, looks like your whole carefully constructed world is about to come crashing down during a cross-country road trip with your estranged son during which you will learn a lot about each other but even more about yourselves!) In the end,the story felt too contrived and the characters, too bullshit. I never really cared about anyone in the film, so it was just 100 minutes of unpleasant with a few interesting scenes. Final judgment: Overrated. If you want to hand out Oscars for that shit, give one to my wing-man Cillian.


Syriana: Even more confusing and convoluted then Traffic. I had high hopes for this movie but We (Elisa) kept putting it off. I don't know if it would have benefited from being seen at the height of the Clooney resurgence but by the time we got around to this one it almost felt like a chore. If they had a point to make they lost it. Clooney is a CIA man and there is no loyalty in that business, plus he gets into some shady shit and gets screwed over. There is some behind-the-scenes backstabbing in a Middle Eastern Royal family, but ultimately the US is going to get what they want regardless. Matt Damon's innocent eyes are opened to the harsh reality of oil exporting, and his kid is needlessly killed off by the plot machine. Big Oil mergers skirt government regulation with back room dealings and corporate greed from Chris Cooper, and when the Feds catch up to them a patsy takes the fall. OK, we get it, but can you make it a little more entertaining when you give it to us? See, when I get to Fast Food Nation you might appreciate the fact that at least the story was clear, concise, somewhat entertaining, and not nearly as contrived as Syriana.


We also went back and watched Larry Clark's Another Day in Paradise, which was decent, a little different from Clark's usual nihilistic teen-centric soft-core depress-fest. It was more of a crime picture with a mentor/apprentice angle (and there were worthless drugged up teens having sex and making horrible decisions, but what did you expect?)

Then we went back and saw Lost Highway thanks to IFC (since David Lynch is a bitch and won't release it on DVD.) There are some great scenes in that movie which is why I wanted to see it again, but there really is nothing holding it together (and those scenes really aren't that great). It was nostalgia for Nine Inch Nails and the late high school/ early college years when this sort of moody art film thing was cool.

The upcoming Grindhouse inspired an Desperado and Dusk 'Till Dawn movie night, and I had forgotten how great those movies were- especially Desperado, which I hadn't seen in years and years. QT and RR are national treasures, and no one can do what they do better.

We saw most of Dead Alive and all of Evil Ed because I inexplicably went on some B-movie horror gross out flick kick. Both were somewhat disturbing and unpleasant, we'll have to chalk that up to a 'what the hell was I thinking.'

I didn't mean to be too negative here, I know it seems like I am ripping everything. There were many other movies we watched and some that I really liked but I want to give them their own review (if I can). Stay tuned...

Are you out of your FUCKING MIND??! .....YOU REALLY ARE out of your FUCKING MIND!!

THE BUTCHER BOY

Wow. I'm not even sure what to say or where to start with this movie. I never read the book although it has been sitting in my Amazon wishlist for a little while. Now I'm afraid if I read the book, it would only be more disturbing without the positive, colorful coat of sugarsweet gloss Neil Jordan adds to the film that makes Patrick McCabe's stories go down easier. (As he did also with Breakfast on Pluto.)

Both films had similarities. At least thats the idea that crossed my mind as we settled in about half way through The Butcher Boy. I noticed that the main character, Francie, like Patrick "Kitten" Braden from BOP, seemed in desperate need for love, acceptance and attention. Francie was also practically an orphan with his mom being a bit on the crazy side and his dad (Stephen Rea) an alcoholic. Neither of his parents were really there for him and as an escape or relief from that loneliness, Francie lived often in his own dreamworld. Sometimes it is like a dream like when Mother Mary talks to him and other times it would be more like a state of denial or something. Francie increasingly became harder for me to understand throughout this film, which is part of the reason why it was so disturbing.

To summarize the plot, Francie (Eamonn Owens) and Joe (Alan Boyle) live the usual playful, fantasy filled childhoods of normal boys. However, with a violent, alcoholic father ('Stephen Rea' ) and a manic depressive, suicidal mother the pressure on Francie to grow up are immense. When his mother eventually commits suicide and Joe goes off to boarding school, Francie sinks ever deeper into paranoia directed mainly against Mrs. Nugent (Fiona Shaw), a nasty neighbour, and fantasy where he has visions of the Virgin Mary ('Sinead O'Connor' ) . After his father dies Fancie's condition worsens, his behaviour becomes more bizarre and erratic culminating in the extremely bloody murder of Mrs. Nugent whom he holds responsible for all the wrongs visited upon him. The authorities arrest Francie and commit him to an asylum in an attempt to cure him.

Was this movie disturbing? Yeah. You can say that. I felt quite disturbed at the end of it. I think JP found this movie to be more disturbing than I did. However, I would not really categorize this movie with other movies I concidered disturbing such as Requiem for a Dream, American History X, Bully (or any other Larry Clark film for that matter). It didn't have that somber energy about it or even let you see anything disturbing coming. The movie always carried a peppy, humorous vibe which if you didnt expect it, it could throw you off and weird you out. Watching this crazy child run around, terrorizing ladies, yelling things, scaring people...the way it is narrated is actually funny. But the whole time you are like, Should I be laughing at this? This is crazy.

For the first part of this movie, I compared him to Kitten Braden and wanted to jump in the film and give him a hug. Maybe adopt him. It seemed all he needed was to be loved. If he found love, his craziness would be cured...so I thought. Then as the movie went along, I see this Francie kid just get crazier and crazier where you might even think he was dangerous. I stopped understanding him and was completely unable to predict what he was going to do or say next. He had serious problems and quite an attitude about Mrs. Nugent. Even though he was crazy, she really was a bitch so when he goes in to her house to destroy all her cakes, you dont feel too bad for her. I was even laughing a little but following the scene more, my smile pretty much froze on my face and became a smile of "Uh, what the fuck is going on?" . Francie went crazy destroying all her cakes and with the same level of enthusiasm and gusto, he is painting the word PIG all over the walls and pictures. In shock, I'm watching and wondering if maybe I missed the part where he was adopted by the Manson family while I took a bathroom break? And when Mrs. Nugent gets home, Holey Cheeses! This kid really is out of his fucking mind!

I did like this movie. Not quite War of the Buttons but was another great film by Neil Jordan and another weird, lost misfit story by Patrick McCabe. Even though there are similarities between the two stories by McCabe, I will say after watching the entire movie that Francie is NOTHING like Kitten Braden in the likes of character. I wanted to love Francie but this kid truly turned out to be a total monster while Kitten maintained her innocense and good nature throughout the entire story of Breakfast on Pluto.

Speaking of War of the Buttons, I do have to mention how much I loved seeing my Gregg Fitzgerald (Fergis!) pop up for a short time in this film as one of the "Bogmen". He was even in a boys orphanage thing (like where WOTB left off) and I was just cracking up when he again said "Shote youer Mothe!" (sigh) I want to adopt him. He's adorable and I wish he was in more films.

And I love Stephen Rea.

My wife has an ass in her cock in the drive way,alright?

BITTER HARVEST (Cillian Murphy movie marathon Day 8-ish)


What an interesting movie this was. JP and I couldn't really figure out if it was supposed to be a drama or a comedy. All I know is that Colm Meaney was a ridiculous man in this movie. He was cracking me up through the whole thing. He was such a prick in the craziest way. It was good fun.
As a movie, I liked it. I'm not quite sure what the whole Colm Meaney being a tree thing was. All while he was raising his hands up by his face, all we could think about was that part in Talledega Nights where Ricky Bobby was giving an interview and didn't know what to do with his hands. That's exactly what Colm Meaney looked like to us and we were laughing so hard, our face almost fell off.

Ok, so this movie is set in 1924 in a place called Skillet, Ireland. Where Harry (Colm Meaney) and his son Gus (Cillian, the most perfect man) live on the edge of town and farm Cabbages. Some time back, Gus's mom died and I think he had a brother that died too so it was just him and his Da there in that crappy house. Gus is a handsome, sweet, adorable, nice, really really shy young man who kind of works for his dad with the cabbages and chores and everything.
Moving on, Harry wakes up one day and has finally figured out what he wants to do with his life. He decides out of nowhere one day that he needs an enemy, for a man is measured by his enemies. So he picks this one dude, George who I guess is the town "marriage broker" or Loooove broker, if you've seen Night Shift. It seems like everyone in town kind of knows that Harry hasn't been the same mentally, since his wife died and kind of takes every crazy thing he says in stride. Even the George guy didn't really think anything of it, when Harry names him his enemy. He was just like, whatever dude. He even offers his son, Gus his "services" and says he can hook him up with the new girl, Eileen he just brought into town. But Harry gets all bajiggity about it and then forbids Gus to have anything to do with Eileen just because she's associated with George. Gus wants to be hooked up with Eileen anyway and Harry agrees to make a deal with George about it. I guess Eileen's hand in marriage was traded to Gus for some Cabbages. Well, it turns out that wasn't a very fair deal because the Cabbages didn't turn into cheating whores like Eileen did. Eileen came with a bit of fine print. Can anything good come from an Eileen? My ex-boss's name was Eileen and she was a douche bag. Much like this Eileen here who didn't deserve such a fine, and perfect husband. Poor Gus Gus. He was so sweet and so shy. He was so grateful that he got his woman, he didn't even want to think about how many dudes she was banging behind his back. I'm serious. What was really gross is that it was with that George guy who hooked them up. He wasn't even attractive and he had a wife and kid of his own, that dirty Federline. She wasn't married 55 hours yet and already she was a total slutface before she makes a move on Gus. I felt bad for him, we all just felt bad for him.

I mean, he was so shy and inexperienced that he just needed a little time to get used to the idea that there is a girl in his bed. Well,She evidently can't be waiting around for him to get it up so she goes around the town, whoring it up with George and doesn't even try to keep it a secret. Harry wasn't surprised when he finds out and then he tells Gus that his wife is a dirty tramp and he doesn't even get mad at her. He just buries it all inside. "Its painful and I love you!"

What was she thinking? She didn't have anything going for her at all until Gus married her. She has a beautiful, blue-eyed, strong, sensitive Irish lad and takes it all for granted. For some twisted-ass reason in her whacked-out skull, she thinks sleeping with some old, big-nosed George guy is a better experience than her sweet, fair-skinned Gus. She wins the fucking JACKPOT in the hot Irish guy lottery and she does this. Why? Why? This movie drove me nuts with this question. And he could have done a lot better than her. Especially if I was in this movie. There would BE NO George. I wouldn't have needed him to pimp me out to Gus, I would have discovered Gus's hotness on my own. and I definitely wouldn't have slept with anybody else but my handsome Gus because it doesn't get any damn better than that. Its not even debatable because its a fact. No George's necessary in my movie. I'm sayin', the movie wouldn't have even been called 'Bitter Harvest' if I was in it, it would have been fucking called 'Sweet Harvest' cause there would have been a lot more steamy, Gus-in-the-barn love scenes and the George craziness would have been reduced to zero. Let me just quote someone who pretty much stole the whole thing from me anyways "OMG, he is like the sweetest guy in the world...hes soo nice...like when he hits her he feels soo effing bad about it...and even if he can't get it up right away...he is still so so so sweet...i wanna marry him and have sitting up sex with him...lol..kidding." ...but I'm not kidding. and even though she(he?) stole my game, at least it proves that its not just me. I'm not crazy. Something is wrong with Eileen and she needs to get the hell out of this movie.

I wont explain any further with the plot because it gets crazier as Harry gets crazier and I wouldn't even know how to explain the rest of it. Plus, I just get mad at the Eileen chick for making me crazy through the whole movie. I couldn't stop yelling at her. I see a pattern here. It seems like all these Cillian movies shows him being under-appreciated. That's bullshit. What is wrong with Eileen? Especially in the scene where it is like, their first night and she kisses him on the bed but he is so shy, he's kind of reluctant and shocked by it. She kind of gives up on him after a few minutes and doesn't do enough for his ego at that moment. You have to be patient with the Gus. He doesn't know what he's doing. You have to love him and stroke his precious ego until he has the confidence to make it through a whole kiss, and then baby-steps with making out and then sex. If he can't get it up because of his nerves, fucking calm his nerves. Hold him, touch him, kiss him all over his fair, freckly body until he pops back up with the ready energy to get it on. Don't give him less than an hour and call it quits. You get your ass back on top of him and you give him passionate love. That makes more sense to me than the whole "Oh well, we'll get there eventually" approach. She didn't care cause she was out closing the deal with George the whole time. DUMBEST chick ever. Whatever, she doesn't deserve him.