(fanning face)...I got my own self hot tellin' that story.

Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN

This movie blew me away with an awesome wave of greatness. I love, love, loved this film.
I don't know where to start with praising this movie. What a breath of fresh, Mexican beach air. I want to poke myself in the eye for not seeing this one sooner. It was just so good.

I guess you could say this was a coming of age film. One of the best ones I've seen since like, I dunno, Reality Bites. The movie starts out with Two boys in two different scenes. In both scenes they are having good-bye sex with their girlfriends who are about to leave on a trip together to Italy. Both boys making their girlfriends promise not to sleep with other guys when they are away. Julio (Gael Garcia Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna) are then left to make their own holiday plans. At a wedding, they encounter Luisa- the spanish wife of Tenoch's cousin Alejandro. Alejandro was a bit of a dickweed while Luisa stirred their sexual curiosity. They talk to her at the wedding. She mentions she wants to see the beaches. Hoping to impress her, they invent a beautiful,mystical, secret beach called "Heaven's Mouth" on the Oaxaca coast and that they could take her there. At first she politely declines but then after her husband, Alejandro confessed his infidelity to her, she changes her mind and calls the boys to see if their invitation was still open to her as she would like to go with them. This is now a problem for the boys because they do not know a place like they described to her so they desperately call a friend to help them, who maps out hazy directions for them.

During the rest of the movie, the three of them set on for a road trip to try to find this beach. There is a sexual energy throughout this film that can be drawn from anywhere. The capricious youth of the two boys and their close, brotherly connection, the vulnerability of Luisa, the warm sandy Mexican summer illustrated so well you can almost feel it here in my cold, midwestern apartment. It felt like everything in this film had a certain indescribable sensual vibe that was so strong in some scenes, you couldn't help but think of the word 'Threesome' before the characters did. A part of you is just waiting for it to happen. Or I don't know, maybe its just me because soy pervertido and she is on vacation with two beautiful, lively, libidinous young mexicanos. What else is supposed to cross your mind?

I won't spoil the rest of the movie with what happens but I will say what did happen was done beautifully. Flawlessly acted, all natural, beautiful scene after beautiful scene. After the movie was over, I was like "Welp...grab your keys, we're going to Mexico!"

I'm in love - I'm all shook up

THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY

This movie deserves an Oscar. After winning the Palme d'Or, this movie has circulated quite a lot of buzz around the world. I was already excited and in line to see this movie when I heard of Cillian Murphy was playing the role of Damien in this film but then everyone started raving about it in reviews and giving it lots of praise. There was a few snarly claims that this film is "Anti-British" but it seems like it soon died down after Ken Loach and Cillian blew them away in press conference Q&As with their brilliant sense. The more I read about this film, the more I desperately wanted to see it. Unfortunately, I do not live in LA or NY so because of this film's limited release, we Midwest folks were pretty fucked on this one. Or were we? On my quest to see this movie, I have discovered the awesome presence of God as well. Just as I was in a state of panic and despair that I might never see this movie before it gets released on DVD, God showed me the way. He said "Elisa, despite its limited release, you shall see this movie now. " And then, there was IFC In Theatres ON-DEMAND on my comcast cable box. A brand new thing, started in March, that shows limited released arty, independent films that deserve to be viewed by everyone. They have it available on demand for 6 bucks on this IFC joint as a way to gauge how much interest it gets from the rest of the country at the same time it is playing in limited theatres. If there is enough people like me with cable and a burning desire to see this movie, it just may get a wide release.

So, I did my part and paid the 6 bucks for the On-Demand viewing from the comfort of my couch. I was so happy to finally see this fantastical production, I called my whole family over and we made a big dinner, baked cookies and watched the movie party-style.

Let me say, it was everything that I expected it would be but BETTER. I loved this film. Love...is not a big enough word for how impressed I am by this film. I have to say I Lurve this film. I Loaved it. I Luffed it. Two Fs. I don't even know what to say. It was so powerful and brilliant, I was totally blown away. I felt like the barley and this movie was the wind and it shook me all night long with its brilliance and impact. It was probably the greatest and most brilliant Cillian Murphy performance I've ever seen. I had to strain to hold back tears at the end so I didn't cry in front of my family like I was Sundance Head on American Idol (whenever someone got voted off before him). I really hope this film get a wider release (if it does, I'm there with another 6 bucks and that time, I'll weep jumbo Sundance tears and watch other people try not to cry at the saddest Cillian scene in the world) and I really really hope this movie gets Oscar attention next year. If it doesn't, I'm going to have to hate the Oscars and send them a letter saying that they suck and don't know shit about movies.

Nothin's OVer, just gimme somethin' to drink.

ROCKY BALBOA

All around, this movie wasn't terrible. I think it did an alright job at redeeming itself after the crapfest that was 'Rocky V' which was a total "piece 'a gawbage", as Paulie would say.
It was a bit sad at parts as he was still very much mourning the death of Adrian. His loneliness was palpable. He still had that Rocky personality, sense of humor and fightin' spirit. It came off like Stallon really believed in this movie and like Rocky, was ready to give this hero another go. You didn't get any of that ho-hum, tired, going throught the motions for the sake of milking the Rocky franchise to the last drop because they are out of ideas and Stallone could use the money and the work type vibe coming from it. It had a lot of sincere, nostalgic, and even affectionate energy going on. Much like Clerks 2 did only more old-man soul.

You see Rocky settled in his life as a father, restaurant owner and friend/legend to the community. He named his restaurant "Adrien's" after his wife. He seemed happy but then starts getting a bit restless while buzz from a similated fight (Rocky vs. Mason Dixon) is floating around ESPN. He gets to thinking, of course, and decides we wants to fight again on a small level. His son is thinking he should give it a rest, Rocky gives a heartfelt lecture, there's a montage ...you get the picture.

This movie felt like a gift to all the Rocky fans with a little card attached that says "Sorry for Rocky V. Let us make it up to you with this enclosed Rocky Balboa, courtesy of Mr. Stallone. Enjoy :) " Thats all I can really say about it, I think.

I told you not to go there! I TOLD you not to go there!

TURISTAS

And now, a gringo tourist with an open letter to the guy that stole his kidneys.

Well, why did you do it? Are you some sort of jerk or something? They're *my* kidneys! What did you think I'd drive home and not notice it was stolen? What are you then? Some sort of *prick* ? Some sort of idiot? Some sort of thief? What would you do with just my kidneys anyway? You human loser! Well, why didn't you just use your own kidneys if you wanted some so badly? That's what I did. Well, don't you think I need those kidneys? Well, well, what were you thinking? JERK!

And now, a gringo tourist with an open letter to the people who watched while the guy stole his kidneys.

Well, you knew they weren't his kidneys! Well, why didn't you do something? Why didn't you say something? You human piece of apathy! Why didn't you say "Hey, those aren't your kidneys! Those could be a gringo tourist's kidneys!" Just eatin' brunch. Well, didn't you think I needed them? I did! Well, look at me. Fiest your eyes on that act of violence! Good work, Einstein. Pus!





This movie was better than I thought it was going to be. (That puts it at notch 1 ) I came into it expecting a cheap rip-off of Hostel but it really wasn't. I would say if you liked Hostel, you might like this movie too but I would not say it is an actual rip-off. No sir.

The acting was decent. The premise was decent. I found this film to be quite scary in my opinion. Along with Hostel, it did for foreign tourism what Jaws did for beach swimming. One of the first things I said after watching this was "Well, I'm not going to Brazil." Seriously, if I ever do go to Brazil on holiday, I would have to forget about this movie first. I do have to add that although the characters were believable, they were also slightly stupid or knuckle-headed, as my dad would say. Call me square but I think I would have waited around for the next bus instead of going to that bar and getting wasted, So I might have avoided this horrible organ-thief problem. Also, even if I did get wasted and followed the Kiko guy, I wouldn't have hesitated to turn back when Kiko decided to grow a conscience and change his mind and say "Y'know what, I know I lead you all the way here but lets go back, yes?" Obviously something was wrong here and I would have picked up on that warning and went back. I'm surprised Josh Duhamel wasn't a little more 'wtf' about that. I mean, doesn't seem a bit odd that you have been following this Kiko guy for like 10 hours (or was it 10 miles?) in middle of nowhere wooded mountains to find an alleged middle of nowhere house for help, everyone is all hot, dehydrated, sweaty, hungry, ready to pass out and you get there and Kiko is like "Y'know what, houses are over-rated. Do we really need to go to this house? Lets not. Lets turn back." ? That seems weird that he would say that. Why else would he say that if not to warn them because he feels guilty cause of how friendly they all were to him and he knows they are all going to get their kidneys stolen? Think about it. Josh should have thought about that more.

Overall, it was a very entertaining movie. Good to see once. On DVD.

Look, mom. No condom!

KIDS


We saw this movie because after making me watch a handful of Larry Clarke movies throughout our movie-watching career, the Larry Clarke debut (I am pretty sure Kids was his debut) KIDS was the one I saw that Jp had not. I warned him he's not missing much but the usual Larry Clarke disturbia. We put it in the queue anyway and ...(sigh) watched it.

This movie was like the cinematic equivalent of watching a bunch of monkeys take a crap in their hand and slinging it at other monkeys and frolicing about in a big monkey crap party. What a waste of time. Some people would argue that Larry Clarke was doing something brilliant by giving you a window into the raw side of inner-city teens, delivering "harsh reality" of how idiotic and amoral modern youth can be and the dangers and consequences of thier ceaseless quest for sex, drugs and trouble. I say - its CRAP!

What was it that this movie was trying to say? All I got was an unpleasant 2-hour public service commercial about how parents are the Anti-drug. The kids were ugly, terrible actors (besides Sevigny), nothing but shitty, boring, ignorant dialogue, and what I would call border-line child porn. Of course, thats all typical of Larry Clarke. The only difference between this movie and the rest that followed is the quality of actors and plot. Bully had more plot along with that Paradise one with James Woods. In this movie, the only name you can recognize is Chloe Sevigny and a young Rosario Dawson. Its uncomfortable to watch in the worst way and unentertaining to watch in the most annoying way.

The movie mostly follows a main character named "Telly". A slack-jawed chudd of a kid who's idea of safe sex is having sex with virgins. He talks like he was dropped on his head and on several occasions, we are forced to see him naked and "on the job" with these tween girls,laying on the worst "seductive" lines I've ever heard. I wanted to throw up. In a way you feel sorry for these girls but then you don't because you would have to be a desperate moron to fall for it and sleep with him and who's desperate at 13-14 years old anyway? So sad. Even sadder is Chloe Sevigny's character, Jenny. She was one who once was dumb and desperate enough to give up her virginity to Telly, the one and only time she has sex, only to find out she is HIV-positive. There are other kids too that don't really do a whole lot else but drugs, drinking, sex and parties.
This movie sucked on so many levels. It sucked so bad, it sucks writing about it.

When I saw that it was actually executive produced by Gus Van Sant, I was like "Oh, no wonder it sucks monkeyballs."

Yeah, this is my own personal shit.

Holiday

When we rented this movie the idea was that, best case scenario, it would be good like Trust the Man. I guess I should have realized that it was much more likely to be forgettable like Under the Tuscan Sun. This movie was seriously flawed. Even without the preview-spoilers and the knowledge that of course the two main girls in the credits would end up with the two main guys in the credits it was just so... obvious. So painfully forced. So lacking any shred of spontaneous or natural human emotion. All it really had to rely on was cute lines, but they were few and far between. It was the kind of movie that makes a good preview (ironic, given the Diaz charcter).

The ladies were the problem. The ladies and the writer. Normally I like both Cameron and Kate, but these characters sucked (Camron D. especially). The guys weren't much better, but they had the ability to float in and deliver a good line without having to carry the dead weight of poor writing that the girls did. Jack Black in particular, although his character was more serious and grown-up then any Jack Black character we've ever seen, which made this, too, seem forced.

There was cuteness abound, and I must admit it did grow on you eventually. But every time you got into a scene they would over do it just a bit. Every plot point they made they had to hit you over the head with. Old Jewish Hollywood guy? Funny, until we get water aerobics and a comeback special. Cute proper English kids? Funny until we get Young & Restless level dialog from them. Winter romances that might blossom into something? You start to get into them and then they get ridiculously predictable (either that, or Elisa saw this movie without me in secret, because she was like a fuckin' psychic over here).

In the end, I'm glad we got it, and glad we didn't switch it off for Hollywoodland after 15 minutes. I just wish that it sucked a little less.

Drink More Ovaltine

ZODIAC


Well, This movie definitely didn't suck. I can tell you that much. For what it was, it was pretty damn good. Robert Downey, Jr was awesome in this movie. I was a little bummed I didnt get to see more of him but I was still digging it, nonetheless. Everyone who has seen this movie always goes on about how Mark Ruffalo made this role his bitch. I agree, he was outstanding but I dont think Jake Gyllenhaal got enough credit and praise for his role as ..y'know, the cartoonist guy who wrote those books on the Zodiac killer. He was fantastic. I really think he needs more praise for his amazing acting but I think the other two incredible actors steal a bit of the show from him. Thats my view anyway.

David Fincher is still the man. The cinematography and lighting was all typical Fincher with the almost grainy, greenish tones and darkened feel to everything. The movie was good but I was a little disappointed at the fact that it just isn't as rewatchable as Se7en or Fight Club. The characters, story, everything was great but I felt the screenplay could have used a little bit more Fincher-y goodness that his other movies had. That was my only real problem with it.

What I liked about this movie is that it did a great job at illustrating the creepy feel of having a serial killer, (or is it mass murderer?) running loose shooting people in your town. The murders as they happened were quite scary and even shocking to some degree. Watching how creeped out the victims were in their sucks-to-be-them situation and how they didn't even have much time to react to their creepy situation or process what was going on as the killer just practically shoots them in the head mid-sentence. Those scenes were quite effective in scaring the figgly boogles out of me. I kept thinking "Geez, man, I hope that doesn't happen to me, ever."

And with the bigger picture, Fincher also did a wonderful job of illuminating the creep factor with the fact that this particular killer was such a big mystery, the police department would get exhausted and damn near throw up their arms and say "I give up." which is a scary thing. The mystery of this killer was almost as scary as the killer himself. That is why this movie was such a good idea. It was real. Real fear, real events. You dont have to make up some elaborate story about how sick a killer is or why he kills people, or create an excuse to watch pyschos chase teenagers with chainsaws. You didn't have to see anyone drenched in fake blood to be scared in this movie. Fincher just had to capture the terror and frustration in the event of a killer on the loose, taunting the police and press with coded letters and not being able to find him or catch him. Any evidence they find leads to dead ends and it just goes in circles. The fact that it really did happen, there really was a creep killer, and even scarier- the fact that he was never caught. You still dont know who or why. That is some scary scary stuff. You can feel the pain of the cartoonest/writer throughout this film and while you are feeling a bit sorry for his family, you can totally empathize with his consuming desire to find the Zodiac and get him arrested. Fincher captured that and it was brilliant. Gyllenhaal was brilliant. It is what Spike Lee's Son of Sam wished it could be. It took everything Son of Sam sucked at and should have done and made it all brilliant. AND even scarier because unlike David Burkowitz who was caught and even confessed, the Zodiac was never figured out. It was all done right.

I dont think I will buy this one on DVD but it was definitely worth seeing it in the theatre and I liked it very much.

I am your neighbor and a liar. By the way, do you have Zoe's number?

The Science of Sleep

Michel Gondry is well known for his crazy music videos (like the White Stripes "Lego" video). He has a crazy love for creating stunning visuals with stop-motion animation and eschews the more modern computer animation techniques like CGI. His last movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, did justice to the brilliant Charlie Kauffman script and gave us visual representations of memory and neurosis through tricks of scale and set design (like adult Jim Carry hiding under a giant kitchen table or swimming in the kitchen sink - man that movie was really great, wasn't it? I have to go back and see it again now.) He also created that Jim Carry "Peacan Pie" video with the crazy bed-car.

Here takes on writing as well as directing a feature-length film. The special effects are charmingly cute (the 1 second time machine, a cardboard city rising from the ground, the TV studio that is his subconscious) and the characters are charming and cute as well. The movie takes place in France, but Stephane does not speak French well so most of the time he relies on English, occasionally drifting into Spanish as well. He has trouble differentiating between dream and reality, occasionally getting himself into trouble by acting things out in the real world that he thinks are only a dream. He also has trouble opening up and showing his true feelings to Stephanie, the girl next door who shares some of his quirky sensibilities (it's Parallel Synchronized Randomness he believes, that two people share the same dreams at the same time).

This movie was a lot like Rushmore, it exists on the borderline between fantasy and reality and we identify with the characters, not because they resemble the way we are, but because they resemble the way we see ourselves in our imaginations. Their crazy actions resonate with our crazy emotions. The end result is a beautiful, wonderful film that dares to be different and pulls it off. It is hilarious and heartbreaking and amazing. Definitely worth seeing and maybe worth buying. Gael Garcia Bernal is probably our favorite Mexican actor right now.

I'll have the Casino Royale with cheese, a small fry and chocolate milk- shaken not stirred.

CASINO ROYALE


There was a lot of buzz about whether or not Daniel Craig would make a good Bond or not. I actually thought he made a pretty good wee Bond man. He was cool, sexy and looked good in a tux. The movie overall was alright. I guess the best thing to compare it to would be pancakes. You are all excited about 'em in the beginning but towards the end, you're fucking sick of 'em. This movie did seem a bit too long. After you see a few action-packed chase scenes, some slow poker games, some mediocre love scenes, and Daniel Craig being wet a few dozen times, you are just like okay, come on already.

And I have to talk about this some more because it was one of the only things in this film that I got a kick out of... I am convinced that there was only one point this movie wanted to make and that is ...Daniel Craig looks damn good wet. Point taken. It seemed like Daniel Craig had more wet scenes in this movie than Ashton Kutcher in the Guardian. I'm not complaining cause I totally get their point that Daniel Craig is very sexy when wet but it was funny to see how many ways they could find to soak him in this movie. Even in a tux where you think "wow, this guy cleans up nice when he's dry." , he just happens to come back to the room where the British chick is sitting and moping under a running shower and for no reason, he sits down with her under the running water, still in his tux and gets soaked for no reason. There really was no point to that scene that I can think of, other than to see Bond wet again at least one more time. Ok, movie, you do that. I'm not getting sick of it but is it really necessary? Did they throw that in there for the ladies who were getting dragged to another Bond movie by their boyfriends? Cool. Ok.

Moving on, there were also some things I could have done without in this movie. Like the longness and the repetition and Eva Green. She was crap. Boring, ugly, NO CHEMISTRY with Craig whatsoever(which bugged me the most), horrible acting, and had nothing to offer the role. I think she actually brought the role down a few notches and really got on my nerves towards the end. I mena, how hard is it to have chemistry with Daniel Craig? -He's adorable. She could have been replaced by a fembot and you wouldn't notice because she was so blank, I could puke. She had about as much flavor as a boiled poptart. To hell with that. I fell asleep towards the end. Did she die in the end? If she did, good. I'm glad. She was awful. I never want to see her again. She will NEVER be half the star Cillian is and we all know who the real rising star this year is and why he didn't win. We're aware of the whole conspiracy and its okay. Winning the rising star award is probably a career curse anyway. Like a sitcom. James McAvoy won it last year and he's not doing shit now. Nobody is talking about him. Just like nobody will talk about Eva Green unless the word "sucks" or "who?" is by her name. Cillian was robbed.

ANYway, she sucked in this movie and almost ruined it for me but they managed to make it up to me in Daniel Craig wet scenes so this movie was still okay. However, the evil villain had next to no personality either. I wouldn't even be able to separate him from the extras if it wasn't for that lame-ass scar on his eyeball (oh, okay, he's the bad guy that bleeds from his eye occasionally) and a forgettable accent. He's semi-evil. He's quasi-evil. He's the margarine of evil. He's the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie- not evil enough. How boring. I had no doubt in my mind that Daniel Craig could take this guy. Piece o' cake. Sure, he's short but he can kick some ass - which pretty much sums up why Daniel Craig played a good Bond in this movie.

Don't nobody undersand the words that are commin' out of your mouth!

Babel

Babel. Best Picture nominee, staring Brad Pit but featuring several loosely intertwined stories dealing with communication and its discontents. Directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, who made Amores Perros and 21 Grams. A tragic accidental shooting of a woman on vacation in the middle east by two boys using their fathers new rifle, a nanny who is forced to bring the children she watches to her Son's wedding in Mexico and the nightmare that ensues trying to get them back, and a lonely deaf Japanese teen girl who longs for a physical relationship and feels like an outcast.

There was a lot to absorb in this movie. I think we could get even more out of watching it a second time, but it is not really a re-watchable movie. It was dark, but hopeful at times. It had strong themes of communication and miscommunication, understanding and misunderstanding, desperation and loss of innocence. It also dealt with family, love, selfishness, mistakes, and loneliness. It was a well made film and I think we both enjoyed it.

Death and taxes? What an odd pairing.

Stranger than Fiction

I've been looking forward to this movie for a while. It has the potential and ambition to be another Eternal Sunshine or Adaptation, but it could also be a horrible art house dud or frustrated comedian vanity project. Most likely it will fall somewhere in between, and probably closer to failure then success.

Well, I am happy to report that it was pretty good. Will Farrell's performance was not over-acted and he never took you out of the moment (which is the biggest risk in casting a scene-stealing big name star comedian to your quirky dramedy.) He was... subtle. Careful and reflective. The people around him got to do most of the acting (Maggie and Dusty were much bigger personalities) and his character was mostly conveyed by the voice over narration and the special effect inserts that were meant to convey his neurosis and OCD. I think movies need to be praised sometimes for the missteps they avoided, for resisting the urge to fall into cliche or milk tired stereotypes, and this movie avoided several. I'm happy to say Will Farrell did not ruin this movie at all.

That is not to say that it was without flaws. The crazy plot started to unravel a bit in the end when, even after everyone figured out (but never explained) the god-like power that the author had over this guys life, they still insisted that it was better off to continue along and let him die because it was such a good story (?!?) Yeah. The take notice of your life and do the things you always wanted to themes were presented quit nicely but this movie completely chickened out at addressing any of the free will v.s. destiny issues it raised with the crazy premise. The result is a weaker story and an ending that feels tacked on. It may have just as easily worked as a mid-life crisis and a boy-meets-girl generic romantic comedy since they never really did anything with the character in a work of fiction plot other then jolt him out of his comfort zone and threaten to kill him. Seems like they could have achieved that by borrowing the plot of a different Queen Litafah movie and having a doctor tell him he had 3 weeks to live. It didn't aspire to anything more then quirky romantic comedy.


In the end I have to say I enjoyed it. It worked as a quirky romantic comedy (where the characters fall in love just because they are supposed to, and not due to chemistry or anything really besides proximity and a few nice gestures). Maggie Gyllenhaal was good, Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thomspson are ok, the movie had a good pace and a few twists and turns. It didn't live up to its potential, but it didn't crash and burn either.

Somebody shit on the burgers. Someone has shit on or around the Burgers.

FAST FOOD NATION

Riiight, so this is the movie adaptation of the muckraking McDonald's expose by the same name. The biggest challenge here is taking the book and making it into a story that you can actually watch, because a faithful translation of the book would be something more like An Inconvenient Truth or March of the Penguins.

Well, Linklater uses a stories involving a marketing Exec investigating the cleanliness of the meat, a teen girl working the counter and hanging with some hippy-activist college kids, and illegal immigrants working in the meat plant to illuminate different aspects of the Fast Food industry while adding a little narrative structure to the information presented in the book. The gimmick is a little odd because the characters have no relationship to each other and the whole thing feels a little forced, but that's because it is. Linklater does succeed in giving us realistic characters (so much so that we occasionally loose sight of the fast food issues and think we are watching a movie about immigrant workers or a teenage coming of age movie) and he resists the urge to get too Upton Sinclair on us. The characters were honestly portrayed and the movie never went off the deep-end, which is pretty much all you can ask. It did the best it could do with the source material it had.

I stand by the point that nothing in this movie was unrealistic or even exaggerated, and it isn't the end of the world. 99% of the people who watch it will continue to be occasional fast food eaters, myself included. We all go back to business as usual like Greg Kinnear, and like Bruce Willis tells us, we all have to eat a little shit sometimes to get a good, convenient product out and meet our profit margins.

Poppa tomatoe smashes baby tomatoe and says "Ketchup."

OK, I am finally back from my extended absence and ready to catch you up on some movie goodness. it's not that I haven't been watching movies lately, I have, it's just that I haven't been updating my journal. Time to remedy that. Here are some highlights from the last month or so of movie viewing:


Miami Vice: Elisa already reviewed it, but I am going to have to disagree with her. Michael Mann should not be criticized for failing to play up his marquee stars and the cheesy 80s TV source material - to the contrary this movie is a success precisely because it does not cater to campy pop-culture and Ironic Hollywood casting.

Let's face it- there are a million movies out there that have super-action-hero celebrities jumping off of exploding speedboats and dodging Uzi fire, delivering cheesy one-liners and defeating the Russian terrorist drug dealers single-handed. Some of them are good, some are not so good- but this is not one of those movies at all. Michal Mann was involved in the original Miami Vice television show back in the day. He has a history with the characters and the subject matter that allows him to jump in and re-visit them, only this time with a seriousness, a budget, a special-effects team, an R-rating, and a depth that 80s TV would not afford him. It is a very cool concept and the reverse of what we have become used to. They took a familiar concept and instead of making a joke out of it and building the plot around in-jokes or parody (see: Starskey & Hutch, Dukes of Hazzard, etc.) they take the ideas seriously and build a complex, adult story around it. It's nice to see how it stands up with a sincere treatment, much more satisfying then the other remakes (though anything with Vaughn and/or Stiller is going to be enjoyable for different reasons.

Marie Antoinette: This movie was OK. We owed it to Sofia to see what she could do here. It was an interesting interpretation of the historical figure infused with her own personal experience and modern teen girl celebrity pop culture undertones. I think the movie suffered somewhat because it lacked the strong lead acting talent that Lost in Translation had. Sofia seems to love setting the scenes up and then stepping back and letting us look at them. I noticed the same thing from Jared Hess in Nacho Libre. There seemed to be some storytelling missing and a little too much of a director in love with their own set design. It is still a movie, guys, we do need something to happen here.
There's nothing else to say because Elisa has already written the definitive essey response to watching Marie Antoinette, and I love her for it.


Transamerica: Where Breakfast on Pluto was a little unsettling and depressing but infused by a Neil Jordan / Cillian Murphy quirky sort of heart, this movie was just unsettling and depressing. Instead of a fun, outgoing, flamboyant transvestite we get a weird, antisocial and kinda creepy pre-op transsexual. I suppose it was a good performance by Felicity Huffman but it's hard to tell with the crazy voice and the weak story (uh-oh, looks like your whole carefully constructed world is about to come crashing down during a cross-country road trip with your estranged son during which you will learn a lot about each other but even more about yourselves!) In the end,the story felt too contrived and the characters, too bullshit. I never really cared about anyone in the film, so it was just 100 minutes of unpleasant with a few interesting scenes. Final judgment: Overrated. If you want to hand out Oscars for that shit, give one to my wing-man Cillian.


Syriana: Even more confusing and convoluted then Traffic. I had high hopes for this movie but We (Elisa) kept putting it off. I don't know if it would have benefited from being seen at the height of the Clooney resurgence but by the time we got around to this one it almost felt like a chore. If they had a point to make they lost it. Clooney is a CIA man and there is no loyalty in that business, plus he gets into some shady shit and gets screwed over. There is some behind-the-scenes backstabbing in a Middle Eastern Royal family, but ultimately the US is going to get what they want regardless. Matt Damon's innocent eyes are opened to the harsh reality of oil exporting, and his kid is needlessly killed off by the plot machine. Big Oil mergers skirt government regulation with back room dealings and corporate greed from Chris Cooper, and when the Feds catch up to them a patsy takes the fall. OK, we get it, but can you make it a little more entertaining when you give it to us? See, when I get to Fast Food Nation you might appreciate the fact that at least the story was clear, concise, somewhat entertaining, and not nearly as contrived as Syriana.


We also went back and watched Larry Clark's Another Day in Paradise, which was decent, a little different from Clark's usual nihilistic teen-centric soft-core depress-fest. It was more of a crime picture with a mentor/apprentice angle (and there were worthless drugged up teens having sex and making horrible decisions, but what did you expect?)

Then we went back and saw Lost Highway thanks to IFC (since David Lynch is a bitch and won't release it on DVD.) There are some great scenes in that movie which is why I wanted to see it again, but there really is nothing holding it together (and those scenes really aren't that great). It was nostalgia for Nine Inch Nails and the late high school/ early college years when this sort of moody art film thing was cool.

The upcoming Grindhouse inspired an Desperado and Dusk 'Till Dawn movie night, and I had forgotten how great those movies were- especially Desperado, which I hadn't seen in years and years. QT and RR are national treasures, and no one can do what they do better.

We saw most of Dead Alive and all of Evil Ed because I inexplicably went on some B-movie horror gross out flick kick. Both were somewhat disturbing and unpleasant, we'll have to chalk that up to a 'what the hell was I thinking.'

I didn't mean to be too negative here, I know it seems like I am ripping everything. There were many other movies we watched and some that I really liked but I want to give them their own review (if I can). Stay tuned...

Are you out of your FUCKING MIND??! .....YOU REALLY ARE out of your FUCKING MIND!!

THE BUTCHER BOY

Wow. I'm not even sure what to say or where to start with this movie. I never read the book although it has been sitting in my Amazon wishlist for a little while. Now I'm afraid if I read the book, it would only be more disturbing without the positive, colorful coat of sugarsweet gloss Neil Jordan adds to the film that makes Patrick McCabe's stories go down easier. (As he did also with Breakfast on Pluto.)

Both films had similarities. At least thats the idea that crossed my mind as we settled in about half way through The Butcher Boy. I noticed that the main character, Francie, like Patrick "Kitten" Braden from BOP, seemed in desperate need for love, acceptance and attention. Francie was also practically an orphan with his mom being a bit on the crazy side and his dad (Stephen Rea) an alcoholic. Neither of his parents were really there for him and as an escape or relief from that loneliness, Francie lived often in his own dreamworld. Sometimes it is like a dream like when Mother Mary talks to him and other times it would be more like a state of denial or something. Francie increasingly became harder for me to understand throughout this film, which is part of the reason why it was so disturbing.

To summarize the plot, Francie (Eamonn Owens) and Joe (Alan Boyle) live the usual playful, fantasy filled childhoods of normal boys. However, with a violent, alcoholic father ('Stephen Rea' ) and a manic depressive, suicidal mother the pressure on Francie to grow up are immense. When his mother eventually commits suicide and Joe goes off to boarding school, Francie sinks ever deeper into paranoia directed mainly against Mrs. Nugent (Fiona Shaw), a nasty neighbour, and fantasy where he has visions of the Virgin Mary ('Sinead O'Connor' ) . After his father dies Fancie's condition worsens, his behaviour becomes more bizarre and erratic culminating in the extremely bloody murder of Mrs. Nugent whom he holds responsible for all the wrongs visited upon him. The authorities arrest Francie and commit him to an asylum in an attempt to cure him.

Was this movie disturbing? Yeah. You can say that. I felt quite disturbed at the end of it. I think JP found this movie to be more disturbing than I did. However, I would not really categorize this movie with other movies I concidered disturbing such as Requiem for a Dream, American History X, Bully (or any other Larry Clark film for that matter). It didn't have that somber energy about it or even let you see anything disturbing coming. The movie always carried a peppy, humorous vibe which if you didnt expect it, it could throw you off and weird you out. Watching this crazy child run around, terrorizing ladies, yelling things, scaring people...the way it is narrated is actually funny. But the whole time you are like, Should I be laughing at this? This is crazy.

For the first part of this movie, I compared him to Kitten Braden and wanted to jump in the film and give him a hug. Maybe adopt him. It seemed all he needed was to be loved. If he found love, his craziness would be cured...so I thought. Then as the movie went along, I see this Francie kid just get crazier and crazier where you might even think he was dangerous. I stopped understanding him and was completely unable to predict what he was going to do or say next. He had serious problems and quite an attitude about Mrs. Nugent. Even though he was crazy, she really was a bitch so when he goes in to her house to destroy all her cakes, you dont feel too bad for her. I was even laughing a little but following the scene more, my smile pretty much froze on my face and became a smile of "Uh, what the fuck is going on?" . Francie went crazy destroying all her cakes and with the same level of enthusiasm and gusto, he is painting the word PIG all over the walls and pictures. In shock, I'm watching and wondering if maybe I missed the part where he was adopted by the Manson family while I took a bathroom break? And when Mrs. Nugent gets home, Holey Cheeses! This kid really is out of his fucking mind!

I did like this movie. Not quite War of the Buttons but was another great film by Neil Jordan and another weird, lost misfit story by Patrick McCabe. Even though there are similarities between the two stories by McCabe, I will say after watching the entire movie that Francie is NOTHING like Kitten Braden in the likes of character. I wanted to love Francie but this kid truly turned out to be a total monster while Kitten maintained her innocense and good nature throughout the entire story of Breakfast on Pluto.

Speaking of War of the Buttons, I do have to mention how much I loved seeing my Gregg Fitzgerald (Fergis!) pop up for a short time in this film as one of the "Bogmen". He was even in a boys orphanage thing (like where WOTB left off) and I was just cracking up when he again said "Shote youer Mothe!" (sigh) I want to adopt him. He's adorable and I wish he was in more films.

And I love Stephen Rea.

My wife has an ass in her cock in the drive way,alright?

BITTER HARVEST (Cillian Murphy movie marathon Day 8-ish)


What an interesting movie this was. JP and I couldn't really figure out if it was supposed to be a drama or a comedy. All I know is that Colm Meaney was a ridiculous man in this movie. He was cracking me up through the whole thing. He was such a prick in the craziest way. It was good fun.
As a movie, I liked it. I'm not quite sure what the whole Colm Meaney being a tree thing was. All while he was raising his hands up by his face, all we could think about was that part in Talledega Nights where Ricky Bobby was giving an interview and didn't know what to do with his hands. That's exactly what Colm Meaney looked like to us and we were laughing so hard, our face almost fell off.

Ok, so this movie is set in 1924 in a place called Skillet, Ireland. Where Harry (Colm Meaney) and his son Gus (Cillian, the most perfect man) live on the edge of town and farm Cabbages. Some time back, Gus's mom died and I think he had a brother that died too so it was just him and his Da there in that crappy house. Gus is a handsome, sweet, adorable, nice, really really shy young man who kind of works for his dad with the cabbages and chores and everything.
Moving on, Harry wakes up one day and has finally figured out what he wants to do with his life. He decides out of nowhere one day that he needs an enemy, for a man is measured by his enemies. So he picks this one dude, George who I guess is the town "marriage broker" or Loooove broker, if you've seen Night Shift. It seems like everyone in town kind of knows that Harry hasn't been the same mentally, since his wife died and kind of takes every crazy thing he says in stride. Even the George guy didn't really think anything of it, when Harry names him his enemy. He was just like, whatever dude. He even offers his son, Gus his "services" and says he can hook him up with the new girl, Eileen he just brought into town. But Harry gets all bajiggity about it and then forbids Gus to have anything to do with Eileen just because she's associated with George. Gus wants to be hooked up with Eileen anyway and Harry agrees to make a deal with George about it. I guess Eileen's hand in marriage was traded to Gus for some Cabbages. Well, it turns out that wasn't a very fair deal because the Cabbages didn't turn into cheating whores like Eileen did. Eileen came with a bit of fine print. Can anything good come from an Eileen? My ex-boss's name was Eileen and she was a douche bag. Much like this Eileen here who didn't deserve such a fine, and perfect husband. Poor Gus Gus. He was so sweet and so shy. He was so grateful that he got his woman, he didn't even want to think about how many dudes she was banging behind his back. I'm serious. What was really gross is that it was with that George guy who hooked them up. He wasn't even attractive and he had a wife and kid of his own, that dirty Federline. She wasn't married 55 hours yet and already she was a total slutface before she makes a move on Gus. I felt bad for him, we all just felt bad for him.

I mean, he was so shy and inexperienced that he just needed a little time to get used to the idea that there is a girl in his bed. Well,She evidently can't be waiting around for him to get it up so she goes around the town, whoring it up with George and doesn't even try to keep it a secret. Harry wasn't surprised when he finds out and then he tells Gus that his wife is a dirty tramp and he doesn't even get mad at her. He just buries it all inside. "Its painful and I love you!"

What was she thinking? She didn't have anything going for her at all until Gus married her. She has a beautiful, blue-eyed, strong, sensitive Irish lad and takes it all for granted. For some twisted-ass reason in her whacked-out skull, she thinks sleeping with some old, big-nosed George guy is a better experience than her sweet, fair-skinned Gus. She wins the fucking JACKPOT in the hot Irish guy lottery and she does this. Why? Why? This movie drove me nuts with this question. And he could have done a lot better than her. Especially if I was in this movie. There would BE NO George. I wouldn't have needed him to pimp me out to Gus, I would have discovered Gus's hotness on my own. and I definitely wouldn't have slept with anybody else but my handsome Gus because it doesn't get any damn better than that. Its not even debatable because its a fact. No George's necessary in my movie. I'm sayin', the movie wouldn't have even been called 'Bitter Harvest' if I was in it, it would have been fucking called 'Sweet Harvest' cause there would have been a lot more steamy, Gus-in-the-barn love scenes and the George craziness would have been reduced to zero. Let me just quote someone who pretty much stole the whole thing from me anyways "OMG, he is like the sweetest guy in the world...hes soo nice...like when he hits her he feels soo effing bad about it...and even if he can't get it up right away...he is still so so so sweet...i wanna marry him and have sitting up sex with him...lol..kidding." ...but I'm not kidding. and even though she(he?) stole my game, at least it proves that its not just me. I'm not crazy. Something is wrong with Eileen and she needs to get the hell out of this movie.

I wont explain any further with the plot because it gets crazier as Harry gets crazier and I wouldn't even know how to explain the rest of it. Plus, I just get mad at the Eileen chick for making me crazy through the whole movie. I couldn't stop yelling at her. I see a pattern here. It seems like all these Cillian movies shows him being under-appreciated. That's bullshit. What is wrong with Eileen? Especially in the scene where it is like, their first night and she kisses him on the bed but he is so shy, he's kind of reluctant and shocked by it. She kind of gives up on him after a few minutes and doesn't do enough for his ego at that moment. You have to be patient with the Gus. He doesn't know what he's doing. You have to love him and stroke his precious ego until he has the confidence to make it through a whole kiss, and then baby-steps with making out and then sex. If he can't get it up because of his nerves, fucking calm his nerves. Hold him, touch him, kiss him all over his fair, freckly body until he pops back up with the ready energy to get it on. Don't give him less than an hour and call it quits. You get your ass back on top of him and you give him passionate love. That makes more sense to me than the whole "Oh well, we'll get there eventually" approach. She didn't care cause she was out closing the deal with George the whole time. DUMBEST chick ever. Whatever, she doesn't deserve him.

Where did you get THOSE clothes, at the..* toilet * store?

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

I only saw this no-talent assclown of a movie, because it had several Oscar noms and I had to see for myself how many balls Emily Blunt sucked on in order to steal the BAFTA Orange Rising Star award away from my way-more-deserving, Cillian Murphy. And as far as Meryl Streep's performance goes in this movie, she made her Madelyn Ashton-Death Becomes Her performance look like ...Sophie's Choice. She is way better than this movie and her performance seemed nothing more than just a ho-hum, going through the motions for a paycheck. Thats all.

The movie was boring, lifeless, un-funny, not cute, poorly written, predictable, shallow, and annoying. The annoying part comes from the main character, whatsername. (The alleged victim in this whole Prada-wearing Devil situation.) What a whiny, unprofessional bitch. I was on Meryl's side the whole time. This mousy cry-baby loser did nothing but feel sorry for herself and how she is "treated" by her boss and all this crap she has to go through with her job and we as an audience are supposed to be rooting for her to do something competent so she can finally get the pat on the back she thinks she deserves from this too-busy-to-be-polite boss of hers. WEll, BOO-fucking-HOO. If this chick was on the Apprentice, Donald would have fired her first. I wouldnt have hired her in the first place. She didnt even know anything about the company or what they did when she interviewed for the job. Her boss wasn't evil. She was pretty much what I would expect from anyone in her high-powered position with such a company in such an industry. Like the Wolf in Pulp Fiction. He wasn't mean. "I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do. I think fast, I talk fast, I need you guys to act fast." Thats all there was to this "Devil" boss. If you can't deal with it and do your damn assistant job, why dont you get the hell out?

AGH. I cant believe this movie was even mentioned in the Oscars with a straight face. Not only was it not a good movie, AT ALL, it was probably one of the worst movies I have seen all year. To nominate any part of this film (except maybe the costume design), is just laughable. It just has to be part of some sick...tastless joke. If anybody would have actually won anything, I probably would have burst into flames.

If you thought the preview of this movie looked interesting and thought about seeing it, DONT WASTE YOUR TIME. Life is short. If you like this sort of thing, I would recommend going back to Sex and the City Season 4 and watching the 'A Vogue Idea' episode. Its the same plot only written way better, more believable, its got the intimidating she-boss, the awkward interview, the desperate-for-a-job writer who struggles to please the she-boss, real human character to the characters, and laugh out loud dialog and events. All that you would hope for from TDWP, all under an hour and you save yourself the disappointment and agony, (not to mention time) of suffering this miserable, festering turd of a movie The Devil Wears Prada.
PIECE - OF - MONKEY - SHIT .

WHO eats cake? .....bunch of savages in this town.

Whoa, man. I had the weirdest dream. I had a dream about like, Marie Antoinette. At least I think it was Marie Antoinette. Only, Kirsten Dunst was Marie Antoinette. And I remember something about running through fields a bunch of times in these big dresses and big hair. It was weird. AND Jason Schwartzman was the prince that she had to marry but he didnt want to have sex with her (...cause, she's Kirsten Dunst) but everyone kept bugging them to have sex and make babies. They're all like "You have to make a baby, you have to have sex, we dont have all day." And she kept eating desert and buying big hair and having big parties and for some reason, New Order was in my dream too. Like, I kept hearing their music over my dream while all this Marie Antoinette shit was happening. And Then she had a kid, and then all the sudden there were 2 kids and then it turned into 3 but then a second later, it was back to 2 kids. Kirsten Dunst kept running through all these fields and doing these crazy poses like it was some kind of music video or photoshoot for Rolling Stone or something. It was crazy, man. It was probably from that Madonna MTV movie award performance of Vogue I watched last night. And that Dangerous Liason movie we watched last week. And the "Rock Me Amadeus" video I have saved in my YouTube favorites. All that probably seeped into my sub-conscious and made me dream weird.

We all scream for "getting icecreams".

ON THE EDGE (Cillian Murphy movie marathon dayyyy...seven, I think)


As many drool-inducing scenes this movie has of Cillian, I would say this movie is the kind of movie you watch and enjoy once....maybe twice. Its a cute little story of a young (and hot) man who just lost his father to alcoholism after already losing a mother, and with all those crazy teen hormones swimming around in him, he is just having a really rough time dealing with everything. He acts out, attempts suicide, he knows he doesn't feel quite right so he tries to help his situation by checking into a psychiatric therapeutic rehabilitation center in the suicide group. He messes around with everyone, still acting out, not knowing quite how to express himself, meets another suicidal crazy girl and in the end, realizes he doesn't belong there since he's not really crazy. Just confused. Thats basically the gist of it. In short form.

If you can be patient enough to forget any kind of plot (cause this film doesn't really have much of one) and just sort of ..be there with this character, the movie is pretty good. If you are looking for a series of interesting events and plot-turns, this movie will go nowhere for you and you might think it sucks. However, there is a certain charming, almost-Zach Braff-ish element that is present throughout the movie that lightens up the darkness of the situation and you even laugh out loud at some of it.

I really did like this movie though, and would like to share everything about this film that I enjoyed and stuck with me.


At the start of this film, one of the first things you see is Cillian on a bike, making a dopey hat look sexy, and coasting down the road to one of the coolest Smashing Pumpkins songs of all time. Already I am loving this movie. THEN, at some point he's driving a car and he drives off a cliff and tumbles down in aim for death. (wha? NOOOO! He can't die!) Well, after crashing his car off a cliff into the steep, rough, sharp rocks...he LIVES! (Inconceivable!) He survives the crash with only a broken baby finger. I love this guy.

So he checks into the group home/psych ward. He is taken in by the main suicide therapist, who else but Dr. Steven Rea. I swear, this guy is in all the irish movies. And I thought all he was was a good evil vampire and a loving man who takes a wrong turn into Girlswithweiners-ville. I've been seeing a lot of him and I like him more now thanks to all these irish films. He's great. ANYWAY, Cillian is moping around the psych ward, trying to get used to the idea, he goes to the window and this lady comes out of nowhere and starts telling him the worst cat story I've ever heard until Dr. Steven comes out and tells him he's not allowed street clothes. PJs only. Thems the rules. The only PJs they could find him, poor baby, are ratty, dorky, child-size PJs way too small for him. (and yet, he still manages to look sexy.)

He approaches a girl and calls her "cute" and for some wacked out reason, she finds this a good reason to start smacking him a bunch of times in the face. (He's bleeding, poor guy, she deserves the same for damaging those perfect lips, I was mad at this point.) Then there is some psycho scene in the bathroom where they ...ehm, make out?..(thats not how I would do it but whatever). She was cutting herself and he was still bleeding. I think she gets off on blood. What a psycho.

The movie has a really good soundtrack. The psych rehab reminded me a lot of the marriage retreat we went to last summer. I think I even said that when we were there, I was like "This reminds me of rehab". Anyway, Cillian is still in his acting out phase and starts acting all messed up to everyone including Doc. After making friends with the Joshua Jackson character who you might remember from the teen BOP magazines back in the day, also has an obviously faked irish accent that constantly distracted me. So he and Cillian sneak out to a bar. They get in a bar fight when some dude spills his drink on them. Cillian goes all alpha male. Such a badass.
At some other point after, there is an awkward dryhump scene with that crazy blood girl. You see Cillian with his shirt off. Freckles on the back, nothing wrong with that. I wanted to lick the tv. The blood girl was too bossy with him though. If it was me, I would have been nothing but tender. He's in a hospital so he's sensitive and fragile. I would have kissed him all over and made sweet quickie love to him. I wouldnt' bleed all over him like a psycho. Ew.

Steven Rea is always awesome. He has curly hair and I noticed he kind of looked like an irish Starsky in this movie. It was cute. Speaking of cute, moving forward in cinematic events, Cillian is still attempting to date the crazy blood girl or be her friend or something. In attempt to keep things clean fun, he asks her if she wanted to get some ice creams. You see, he has this way of making something like "getting icecreams" sound like the sexiest thing in the world. I was convinced that getting icecreams was the best date ever and I dont know why I ever bothered with this silly dinner-movie concept. My next date is going to be getting icecreams, I promise.

There was another scene where all the crazies in Cillian's group get to go bowling. In that scene, I wanted to be the gum in Cillian's mouth during that whole scene. Besides that, it was just a strange scene. I think there is another crazy fight that breaks out. Good times.

Ok. Then there is this scene towards the end that just sucked. Cillian's out with the blood girl and he's being friendly. He leans in to kiss her and everything. She doesn't give him much love back...cause she's fucking crazy. The dialog went like this: Cillian: "Why wont you kiss me?" and Blood Girl: "I am." Ehh. No, you're not. When you have a Cillian coming in to attach himself to your lips, you don't just sit there like a dead fish...you pull him in, with your fingers through his hair, and you KISS him passionately and forever. Thats what you are supposed to do. Thats what I would do. And that thing with the ending, when you are finally out getting icecreams as Cilly promised, you dont cry into your vanilla cone. What do you have to cry about when you are out getting icecreams with Cillian? Nothing. The answer is nothing. Nothing to cry about because its an amazing experience that not a lot of people get in their lifetime. You're not supposed to cry, you're supposed to savor every moment with a big vanilla smile frozen on your face. Whatever, she doesn't deserve him.

Lust The Man

TRUST THE MAN

This movie had a few minor flaws but overall I thought this movie was pretty great. It was chock full of Duchovny-ness and you get to see a more real, natural side of him in this film as if he ad libbed a lot for his character or something. I loved him in this movie. I also very much loved Billy Crudup in this film as well. They were both hilarious and even though they were a couple of man-boy fuck-ups in their adult relationships, you were still on their side and rooting for them throughout the movie.

Basically, Trust the Man is about 2 couples. David Duchovny (Tom) is a couple with Julianne Moore (Can't remember her character's name) and Billy Crudup (character's name escapes me)is a couple with Maggie Gyllenhaal (drawing a blank on her character's name). Anyway, Tom is J.M.'s husband with a healthy sexual appetite and can't seem to get enough sex out of his wife. He is reaching that vulnerable mid-life crisis time and gets along great enough with his life and family but starting to feel a little lost. Then there is B.C., who is neurotic and awkward but sincerely in love with M.G. but she's pissed because she has been waiting and waiting for him to get serious and she wants to get married and have babies like, now. He's just minding himself along and getting along with her and she vents to him what she feels (to have babies and get married) and then kicks him out of her life for not being able to read her mind. Really, it seemed like she barely hinted at her needs right before she dumped him. He didn't really have time to let that thought sink in and have his own reaction. She was kind of nuts.

So, Tom gets lured into an extramarital affair to satisfy his sexual needs and feeling bad about it, he seeks help with a sex addicts group. It brings up real situations and believable problems but I was laughing pretty much through the whole thing. I found it to be hilarious.

David Duchovny, of course, was my motivation for seeing this film and also my favorite part. Even though its been a while since I've seen him in anything new, he hasn't aged a bit. Still adorable with those soft, heavenly brown eyes. Ruggedly handsome and every bit of sexy as I remember. Just...perfection. I about exploded when he went into how sexually frustrated he was in the movie. I probably don't even need to say that if he married me, he wouldn't be concerned with such things. He would be more concerned with keeping himself hydrated and when or if I'm ever going to get tired, maybe a little concern towards losing sleep and how he's going to get any work done because he would have been what you call, 'sexually exhausted'. I would give him all the sex he could handle and then some. A little afternoon delight on his lunch hour, a Sunday morning sex coma. Then you can bet he wouldn't be having any affairs, he would not only be satisfied but he would be all sexed out. I think being married to him, you would pretty much have to just stop wearing panties. Not in any gross Britney spears way or anything, just in a way only he could tell.

And when he was making up that story to the sex addicts group about deli-meat sex, I have never wanted deli-meat so bad in my life. Thanks to that, my mind will now sink to the gutter every time I pass the deli section of my neighborhood grocery store. Curious to what I'm talking about? See the movie. Watching him eat a sandwich is ecstasy.

Thats a funny story. We went down to Florida...right?.....

MIAMI VICE
















I guess for a cops-go-undercover-for-a-giant-drug-bust kind of movie, it wasn't bad in a Michael Mann-ish sorta way. I'm not particularly fond of Michael Mann's style but I can appreciate it to a degree. That being said, for a movie being made from the 80s classic tv drama,'Miami Vice', I was pretty disappointed. For all the potential it had for style, it just didn't do anything Miami Vice-y or even gave you a clue that this movie was a remake of an old show. You didn't even get any Miami-ish atmosphere or any atmosphere at all through the whole movie. If they didn't mention that they were taking a boatride over to Cuba, I wouldn't even have guessed it was Florida.

I felt Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell had nothing to add to the movie. They could have easily been replaced by anyone and I wouldn't have noticed. Colin Farrell didn't do anything Don Johnson-y ever or even dress cool. He wore black and grey throughout the movie. Who wears drab shit like that in Miami? And the soundtrack was pathetic. Totally sucked balls. Crappy Rapcore we can get any day of the week on our pathetic Indiana rock station. I was hoping for a soundtrack like GTA Vice City or something cool like that. I thought that was the least they could do. NO, we get a bunch of Audioslave and a laughable cover of "In the Air Tonight" during the big climax, done by some genaric band called Nonpoint. Nonpoint is right, there really was no point to that.

I would have liked this movie a lot better if they just called it something else. It really had no relation whatsoever to Miami Vice, which bugged me. I felt if they were going to remake a show like that, they could have done so much more. Add some more colorful lighting, play up the Miami wardrobe, a little more character developement...y'KNOW? Gimme something Miami Vice. I didn't think that was expecting too much.

Beautiful chicks with dicks that would put mine to shame...

Cillina Murphy Marathon day 6
Breakfast on Pluto

So this is the story of an psychologically disturbed transvestite homosexual Irish foster child who grows up and travels around against the backdrop of political tensions in 60's-70's Ireland and England. "Kitten" was at times charming, sweet, innocent, and irreverent, but just as capable of being maddeningly obtuse, stubborn, and annoying. I never fully sympathized with this character, although I alternately pitied, rooted for, and disliked her.

The performance was good but a little weird. It was convincing, Cillin did a good job of selling me on the character, but the problem is this character never really felt real. There was never any clear motivation or character traits behind it all- nothing made any sense. She just floated along on a whim, changing to suite the circumstances but always being weird and never really fitting in. At times you could cry for her because she just needed to be loved and accepted (and find her mom) but at times you just wanted to smack her and demand 'Just what in the hell are you doing with your life?!?'

In the end, I just wondered what the point of watching that movie was (other then crossing off another title in the Cillian Murphy filmography). Was it to entertain? I don't know, the laughs and the tone were very inconsistent for an entertainment movie. Was it a drama? The character was just too flakey and inconsistent to pull me into a drama. Was it to show us something of the human condition? Perhaps that was the intent, but again the character would have to be at least a little more grounded for that to take hold- something like what I anticipate from Transamerica.

I didn't hate it, but I can't really recommend Breakfast on Pluto either. Cillian was good, but the character needed work. That may be on the director (or maybe it's just me). Two and a half stars, maybe three if I'm in a good mood.

Beavis and Butt-Head do America

Idiocracy

I was looking forward to Idiocracy for a long time. Some no-holds-barred social criticism and satire from Mr. Mike Judge, of Office Space, King of the Hill, and Beavis and Butt-Head fame. (honestly, I never really liked KOTH, but I like Judge.

So the premise is simple, Luke Wilson is forzen for 500 years and wakes up after humanity has de-evolved to a point where everyone basically acts like Beavis and Butt-Head. The satire is over-the-top and vicious: the reason for the de-evolution is laid out in an opening segment where a hillbilly family tree is played out and juxtaposed with a couple who are successful and intelligent but put off having kids until it is too late. The idea is that we have undermined the theory of evolution by making it easy to survive and breed, so that the be willing to reproduce (or stupid enough to not exercise control over your reproduction) is all it takes to succeed on an evolutionary level. Technology develops to the point where it does everything for people, and only the most basic skills are needed to function. Essentially, things are made idiot-proof and that is exactly what we get.

The concept is great, but as a movie it is flawed. It suffers from 'good idea but doesn't translate to the screen' syndrome. So along with the biting satire we have to endure a bunch of groin-kicks and the silly plot to find a way home and/or save people from being killed by the ignorant savages. There is ample opportunity for gags and not-so-subtle jabs at our culture, and they are what save the movie from being a disappointment after the back-of-the-box concept is over. Watching the characters interact was painful and boring. most of the dialog in this movie sucked. The point made by the omnipotent voice-over narrator that language had deteriorated to a mixture of hillbilly and ghetto slang and rudimentary grunts was funny, and occasionally the outlandish statements got a laugh, but when it needed to advance the plot it was just bad. Of course, there was no better way to do it. As I said above, the movie was interesting but flawed from the beginning. It makes an interesting point, but it isn't one you can build a compelling story around.

No, the jokes. sight-gags, and parody's of the decline in our own culture is what makes this movie worth watching. Taking the stupidity of reality TV, the sexualization of advertising, and the laziness and selfishness of our times and carrying them to absurd lengths provides the entertainment that caries this movie. Luke Wilson, and the other principle actors, have very little to add. It's good on the way SNL or MAD magazine is good.


I looked for a good picture of one of the many funny scenes and couldn't find anything but a movie poster of the President and Luke riding on a big bike, so here is what I did find, a review on the Onion that said everything I meant to, only better, because I am rushed to catch up on my movies and also possibly sick:

Idiocracy is an unrepentant satire, a genre George S. Kaufman famously defined as "what closes Saturday night." Idiocracy feels more like a Beavis And Butt-head follow-up than an Office Space follower, thanks to its depiction of a society devolving at a rapid clip, and the way it satirizes its instant-gratification-obsessed target audience using the limited vocabulary of the terminally stupid.

In Beavis And Butt-head, that devolution is just suggested; in Idiocracy, it's made dizzyingly literal. A perfectly cast Luke Wilson stars as a quintessential everyman who hibernates for centuries and wakes up in a society so degraded by insipid popular culture, crass consumerism, and rampant anti-intellectualism that he qualifies as the smartest man in the world. Corporations cater even more unashamedly to the primal needs of the lowest common denominator—Starbucks now traffics in handjobs as well as lattes—and the English language has devolved into a hilarious patois of hillbilly, Ebonics, and slang.

Idiocracy's dumb-ass dystopia suggests a world designed by Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, a world where the entire populace skirts the fine line separating mildly retarded from really fucking stupid, and where anyone displaying any sign of intelligence is derided as a fag. Working on a sprawling canvas, Judge fills the screen with visual jokes, throwaway gags, and incisive commentary on the ubiquity of advertising—for instance, with the presidential-cabinet member who works paid plugs for Carl's Jr. into everyday conversations. Like so much superior science fiction, Idiocracy uses a fantastical future to comment on a present in which Paris Hilton is infinitely more famous than Nobel laureates. There's a good chance that Judge's smartly lowbrow Idiocracy will be mistaken for what it's satirizing, but good satire always runs the risk—to borrow a phrase from a poster-boy for the reverse meritocracy—of being misunderestimated.

I gotta fever and the prescription is more Dr. Duchovny

PLAYING GOD


It has been a while since I've seen this movie and even when I saw it years ago, I was too busy drooling over David Duchovny to pay any leftover attention to the actual plot. This time, taking a break from Cillian Murphy, I actually sat and watched all of it. We were between Cillian movies and felt like watching something we didn't have to take seriously and JP was goodly enough to choose Playing God from the list of free On-Demand movies from Comcast.

I wouldn't call it a "good" movie by any stretch but it was interesting enough and a well-written narration. There is a chance that it might have just seemed that way to me because it was spoken through David Duchovny's sexy man-voice. It could have been a crap screenplay but all crap sounds beautiful with David as a narrator. All I know for sure is that I dug it.

Brief summary- So, David Duchovny is a drug addict ex-doctor (He lost his med license) who is in a bar one day, just minding his own business, visiting with his dealer when some bozo comes in shooting up the place and shoots this one dude over by the bar. Everybody is all, "Call 911! - NO, we can't cause we'll go to jail" or something. So here is this guy bleeding and dying all over the place. David Duchovny, I think his name was Eugene or something gay, leaps over the people and comes over there to help him. (Because with great medical knowledge comes great responsibility, right?) He touches the guy's neck and just like that, he can tell the guy has a punctured lung. (So magical, I love him.) Then, he yells at the bar people to bring him a water bottle and a plastic hose/tube thing and other handy stuff and he starts working his doctory magic on him and saves his life. Well, then, it turns out Angelina Jolie was at the bar gawking at him and went and told her not-handsome criminal drug-dealing boyfriend and before you know it, Dr.Cutey-Cute wakes up in the back of a moving jeep with two friends of AJ's boyfriend. They take him to a beachhouse to talk to her boyfriend. I can't remember his name. Maybe it was Raymond. Lets call him Peckerhead. (He looked like someone you would call a Peckerhead.) So, Peckerhead talks to Dr.Dreamboat about a deal that would make him a "doctor" again. Basically, he would fix up all of Peckerhead's thugs when they got shot for like, 10 grand a pop. Dr. Hotty is like, well, I don't know. Maybe I can do it for a little while... He doesn't feel good about it but he wants to practice medicine again so he goes along with it. Then some hoopla sets in with the FBI. Some twists and turns, yada yada yada. Some people wear wires to help bust other dudes. Dr. Man-Candy even wears a wire taped so gently to his manly chest. All I could think of in those scenes was how I wanted to be that particular wire. I could be the wire and I could just remember everything being said and relay it back to the feds and hide against Dr. Heartstealer's chest under his clothes. That would be the funnest job ever. Or maybe hide under there with a walkie talkie - "Peckerhead just told the other guy to put his gun down." "Yeah. Now some more guys walked in with some briefcases. Over." That would be sweet. Anyway, thats what I'm thinking.

David Duchovny is just so damn gorgeous in this movie. Its mesmerizing. I would want to get shot just so he could work on me and play doctor. Nothing fatal, just maybe in the back of the leg or somewhere cool. I wouldn't need any painkillers cause he would touch me and I would get all tingly and numb. That would be cool.

Oh yeah, I'm not just saying this but Angelina Jolie SUCKS in this movie. Her acting was just ridiculously HORRIBLE. She does okay in her more recent movies and everything so I'm thinking that maybe this was her first or second movie or something cause she absolutely could NOT act. NONE of her sentences came out like a normal human being would say them. Nothing she said or did came off natural. It was shit. It was so distracting, it was almost comical. And because she was such a bad actress and couldn't say her lines properly, she couldn't have chemistry with a single person in this movie. It was like she was in a completely different movie than everyone else. She was off in 'No Retreat No Surrender' while everyone else was living it in this 'Playing God' movie. Maybe she thought the movie was called 'Playing GodAwful' cause thats exactly what she was doing. It was distracting me from my Dr. Hotness moments.

Playing God isn't really a movie I would recommend to anyone. Its not really a great movie but its one of those movies that is good to check out at 2 am on the couch when it comes on cable.