Sonuva Witch

Watched the Covenant with the kid brother this weekend. I can't say I didn't expect it to be a bit on the godawful side but that movie was so bad, I have to compare it to something like an episode of Charmed or something equally-retarded that would show up on the CW. Nothing but no-name actors that were so genaric, we had to associate their looks with other celebs to get the characters straight.

Basically, there were 4 families of witches that this group of man-witches came from that all hold witchy powers. There is Caleb (the Jesse Metcalfe-ish one),Pogue (long-haired pretty boy),Aaron (the guy who looked kind of like Jeff Samardzija),and Reid (the Aaron Carter-looking guy). When they turn 18, thats when they are supposed to "ascend" into a new level of power which I guess is some sort of witch-boy puberty all man-witches have to go through, and they become super-powerful but have to conserve their powers or they will end up a wrinkly ,slimy, ugly old man. A new boy comes to town (the guy who kinda sorta looked like the gay guy from Clueless) and he turns out to be a witch too from the "5th family of witches" everyone thought was dead. And he's a big witch-bully who demands Caleb's puberty power like it was milk money or else he's going to spider people to death. That is basically the plot outline in a wrinkly nutshell. There is also some hoopla about a dead kid in a car, a bland love interest in the new girl, and the man-witches using their powers Bruce Almighty-style for their own entertainment such as making some dude throw up out of nowhere, levitate and hide on the ceiling, and blow up a girls skirt in a bar.

There is one thing I will give it credit for...a scene that made me scream out-loud like I was being murdered and will haunt my dreams forever. I wasn't expecting it at all and then I couldn't stop jumping up on the couch and screaming and grabbing people close to me when this scene was happening. I think that scene was the reason this director made this movie and that scene is where all the money went because the rest of the movie was ridiculous but this scene was one of the most horrifying scenes I have seen in a while. If you like grabbing people and screaming your lungs out on the couch, the 2 minutes in this movie of that might be worth renting the movie for but it only works if you hate spiders.

Another good thing about it was the laugh you get from cheesy lines uttered with total seriousness throughout this movie. ("I'm gonna make you my We-otch!")I haven't heard one-liners this hilariously bad since GingerDead Man.