Whatsa matter, Greit, You got somethin' against guys with hair?

THE GIRL WITH THE PEARL EARRING (Cillian Murphy movie marathon: Day 5)


Before I realized Cillian Murphy was in this movie and added it to the marathon, I figured this movie was way to boring for my taste and never would have seen this movie otherwise. Once this movie came to us in the mail, I actually gave this movie a fair shot and stayed with it the entire way through.

Of course, this movie WAS really boring and went nowhere. Thats why they couldn't come up with a more creative title to the movie. They were either being lazy or more likely, they didn't have much to go off of so GWTPE is the best they could do.

Anyway, a brief recap: Greit is a girl who had to go be a maid because her real family was poor and blind. So she goes to work for this family of weirdos. Colin Firth has really long hair. He's the artist that paints people mostly and he's really good and sponsored by the rich bajillionaire (the guy from Full Monty). His wife is weird and bitchy. Her mom is even weirder and scary. Like someone out of the Tom Petty "Dont Come Around Here No More" video. A brat kid that I think was a girl but I'm not sure. Greit has to live with these people and clean around them. We watch that for about half the movie. She shows interest in the artist. He sees something in her and wants to paint her. The whole time she wears a bonnet, hiding her hair and looking like Marilyn Manson. Seriously. With no hair, Scarlet looks like Marilyn Manson. With less make-up of course.

So anyway, yeah, for the whole first half of the movie, this is going on. Not much else. I'm sitting here thinking, OK. Where's Cillian? Before seeing this film, I heard of a really hot "love scene" involving Cillian and I waited and waited for that part in this movie. I was like, "Well, the movie kind of sucks for far and is kind of boring but at least I have that love scene to look forward to." Can we please get some Cillian up in herrre? Well, some boring scenes of cleaning shit go by and finally, Greit goes to the butcher shop. and there he is. behind all the meat. Looking a little like an elf from Lord Of the Rings with that long hair and crazy peasant clothes but finally, we are getting a little Cillian action. Greit is picking up some fish and then complains it isnt fresh enough. Cillian then gives her a fresher bag and she doesn't even say thank you. She says "Thats better". What a bitch. She's a peasant maid and she's acting like she some kind of heiress. Its the olden days. What did she expect? A big semi truck in the back is making speedy deliveries of fresh packaged fish? The fish came with eyeballs.

Cillian took a liking to her anyway, probably out of loneliness and desperation. He comes around again to her on the street and asks her out. "Hey, you're the one who ordered haggas, right?" She accepts his date, kind of. Like "Look, I heard this guy I like was going to paint me so I'm going to wait and see what happens there...That sounds great. Yeah." And he's like "So, is that like, like a yes? or...?" and Greit is like, "I thought I made it perfectly clear. If everything falls apart...maybe." and Cillian is like "I'm going to hold you to that!"

She goes back to her job and things are all crazy. With the paintings and the brat kid making her life hell and the bitchy lady. I guess the painter agreed to make a secret painting of Greit for the rich guy. She's doing that gig and its all secretive and the bitchy wife is getting jealous but she doesnt know whats going on. The painter is like "You know what this paining needs?...A really large over-sized pearl earring." And his scary mom steals them from the bitch wife and Greit wears them for the painting.

Meanwhile, I'm STILL waiting for the love scene. She ends up going for a walk with Cillian. I guess that qualifies as a "date". They stop and I guess they start making out. I'm seeing her face, hair still hidden in bonnet. I'm not seeing much of his face. They are standing up. Is this the love scene? Did they even have sex? or was that just an awkward body shake? Wow. That was weak. What was that? I felt so jipped. Not only do you not see much of anything but 2 clothed people making out or whatever, but there was no chemistry between them whatsoever. It was like she was settling for him and not that into it. I'm not sure if that was what it was supposed to look like but NO PASSION. No passion at all. No passion. No chemistry. That sucked.

If it was me, I would make out with him standing up. Then tackle him down to the grass. Then make sweet love to him. Then bring him lasgna at his work, rub his shoulders and ask if he needs any help linking his sausage.Maybe even drop him little butcher love notes like, MEAT ME AFTER WORK. Then go grab an ale afterwards and make love to him so more. What was her problem? He was right there, wanting to get to know her and she gives him the cold fish right back. Like, "Alright, alright, I guess I'll make out with you. Is this going to take long? I've got paintings to pose for." Poor Cillian.

So, they make out or whatever and I'm not sure if its then or another dull date they were on when he asks her to marry him. To blow off that jerk painter she was seeing that night and come with him to live free as peasants. and she's like "..how about No." and he's like, "...Please?". Its kind of a no-brainer. But she already looks like she has no hair with that bonnet covering everything, why not look like she has no brain too? Maybe it died from not EVER taking the bonnet off and giving it some air. I guess because she ended up giving him the same bullshit response as before. She basically then told him "I dunno. I've got this whole maid/paining gig. I should really concentrate on my career right now. If everything falls apart...Maybe. Don't hold your breath or anything though." WHat IS that??

Once again, if it was ME, I would have thrown my arms around him and cried "YES! YES! YES! Lets get married! I frickin' Love you! We'll get married on top of a mountain with trumpets and flowers and gardens of fresh herbs and we will start a family band and we'll tour the countryside and weirdo art family won't be invited." And THEN Greit gets kicked out of the house for...being in the painting or something? And She STILL doesn't end up in Butcher Boy's sweet lovin' arms, she decides she would rather hold out. WHAT AN IDIOT! WHAT A LOSER! ...GOOD. GOod. More butcher boy for me and you. He should have his own movie. Where his other peasant friends and him get a place together and start a fraternity to help him get over her. You can call it REALLY Old School.